9 posts tagged “football”

So, Troy Polamalu is on the cover of Madden 2010, effectively ruining the Steelers chance of a Super Bowl repeat. Yeah, I believe in the Madden Curse.

I am going to try and make this a yearly tradition. Last year, I ranted about people or things that annoyed me. And, wouldn't you know it, I found ten things this year to rant about. What can I say, I'm a ranty guy.

These are just my opinions. I'm sure that I will rant about some things that people really love. You can love these things. That is your right. I really don't mean to offend anybody. But I just feel very strongly about the things on this list. So, no death threats or insults.

 

Without any further ado, here we go:

 

 

10. "Parody" films: There has been a recent trend of parody films sucking. It started last year with Epic Movie and continued this year with Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, and An American Carol.

The first two are from the same team that brought you Date Movie and Epic Movie, so they should be considered public enemy number one. These films are basically a collection of lame gags strung together with a flimsy plot  Strangely enough, up until Disaster Movie, these films always open at number one at the box office. Hopefully, this trend is going to end.

An American Carol was done by one of the Zucker Brothers, who brought us one of the best parody movies of all time, Airplane. It was his attempt to gain equal time for the conservative right by poking fun at the liberals. Unfortunately, he forgot to make it funny. This is a major disappointment.

An American Carol also tanked at the box office, which its creators probably thought was because of the unfair liberal bias in Hollywood. But really because it was a hamfisted hatchet job first, entertaining parody second.

Parodies are not easy to do. They require wit, intelligence and just the right touch. You can't just throw a bunch of scenes together and make it work. Which is what these people are finding out.

 

9. Santonio Holmes: I had the opportunity to watch at least some part of all the Steelers games this season (most from the comfort of my own home, as a lot of them were on national TV).

This was supposed to be the year Santonio Holmes was supposed to break out. The number one draft pick was entering his third season, the season when the good receivers are supposed to blossom.

Unfortunately, he did anything but blossom. The lasting impression I got of Holmes is one of dropped passes, routes run wrong, and stupid mistakes.

It got to such a point that when he actually did make a catch, my wife and I would say, "Wow, he finally caught one!" Like he won the lottery or something.

The Steelers have a history of having bad luck with high-round draft picks. Hines Ward was taken, I believe, in the 3rd round and has been nothing but clutch.  Holmes seems to be like fellow first-rounder Plaxico Burress and not living up to his potential while on the Steelers. Maybe Holmes will have better luck on his next team. And maybe the Steelers will just wait until the 3rd round to draft their WRs in the future.

 

 

8. Grant Morrison: I like a lot of what Grant Morrison does. I think he's a great writer. But he really isn't a great mainstream "event" writer.

I'll start with a caveat--All-Star Superman was a great book, filled with big moments and was one of the best interpretations of Superman ever.

But he seems to have been given carte blanche on that title, which is probably why it was so good. But when he has to work in the constraints of someone elses sandbox, he withers away.

"Batman R.I.P.," which was supposed to be the earth-shaking event which would turn the Bat-family of books on its ear, but instead was a chaotic mess. It was rumored that he was asked to rewrite the ending because DC wasn't satisfied with it. In my opinion, they should have stepped in much sooner.

Final Crisis was supposed to be the big event of the summer, the bookend to DC's "Crisis" trilogy. After bitching about not getting exclusive use of the New Gods (which, granted, he has a point) he gave us a rehash of an arc from his JLA run. For a big. blockbuster event with many other crossovers DC expects us to buy, we deserved more. And he was rumored to do rewrites on this one as well.

Morrison should stay to Vertigo where he can do what he wants and doesn't have to worry about continuity. He's a much better writer that way.

 

 

7. Kristen Wiig: I know I am in the minority here. Almost every magazine in the world has anointed her as the funniest woman since Lucille Ball. But I really don't find her funny at all.

Of course, one of her stock and trades is being an "annoyance comedienne" (I.E. the more annoying she is, the funnier she is supposed to be). But I didn't like that style when Borat did it, and she doesn't do it any better.

After that, she is essentially just a two-trick pony. She does that staccato monotone thing, like a surfer girl Rain Man. And she makes stupid faces and quirky body movements. Neither one impresses me.

Don't misunderstand me. It's not because she's a woman. I've seen Amy Poehler do improv and it was brilliant. And I find something I like in everything Tina Fey does. They are ten times the comediennes Wiig is, but get less press (well, maybe not Fey. She seems not to lack press ar all).

What it boils down to is that I don't find her funny. And the fact that it seems like everyone else does gets on my last nerve. In my eyes, she isn't the second coming of Gilda Radner, she's the new Melanie Hutsall.

 

 

 6. Thomas Beatie: Okay, let me just state that I really have nothing against transgender people in general. If you believe you should be a sex other than the one you're born with, you have the means to change it, and no one gets hurt in the process, I say more power to you.

But if you think you should be a man yet were born a woman, and you decide to change it, then you should leave every thing that makes you a woman behind and become a man. Thomas Beatie supposedly want to be a man. But she held on to her female reproductive organs. This causes doubt as per her motivation.

And, yes, I refered to Beatie exclusively as a female, because that's what she is-- a woman. Because if she truly wanted to be a man, believes she was a man, believes she should be a man, then she'd give up everything that made her a woman, a big part of which is the ability to bear children.

But know, she kept that. And when her wife found she couldn't have kids, Beatie decided to step in an help out and became the first pregnant "man.".

Naturally, this gained national attention through almost every news outlet, including ones that really shouldn't be covering it at all, because it is a curiousity. She gave birth and if that was the end of it, it wouldn't be as annoying.

But she is pregnant again. And she makes the announcement to Barbara Walters. Because, well, I guess all parties involved think its news or something.  And we face the possibility that this will become a reoccuring theme.

This makes me think Beatie is using the supposed freakish nature of her pregnancies as a means of self-promotion. I'm sure there will be other talk show appearances, maybe another book, and perhaps a TV deal. And that doesn't sit well with me. Having a child is a sacred, special thing. To exploit it the way Beatie has seems unctious at best. 

But, lets face it, Thomas Beatie is not a pregnant man. She is a woman who looks like a man who has gotten pregnant. This should have only been a mild curiousity the first time. The second time shouldn't have gotten any attention at all. But Beatie appears to be turing her situation it a gigantic circus sideshow just for want of attention. Yes, she should be blamed for it, but if we weren't so attracted by the whole car-wreck aspect of Beatie's sideshow, she'd slip into the obscurity she deserves..

 

 

5. Twilight: It seems the media and book publishers were really too desperate to fill the void left by Harry Potter. They were frantic to find a franchise that would appeal to both kids and adults. It appears that it has got what it wanted with Twilight. I heard absolutely nothing about the books while JK Rowling was still putting out novels. But now, it's the biggest thing ever.

And, granted, I am not its target audience, but Twilight seems to be the lamest thing ever as well.

First off, I believe vampires only should come out at night. Period. It was good enough for my parents. It was good enough for their parents. It's good enough for me.

However, the previews for the movie have the vampires wandering around in broad daylight. I understand the reason for this. After all, it is hard to have a teenage romance when the teens in question should be sleeping. But it kind of violates Bill's first law of vampires.

Other than that, based on what I've heard and read, it looks like it is goth-lite. It's goth for people who don't want to go full goth. There are pale people, a lot of shoegazing, a bit of romance, but all done in earth tones so as not to scare the squares.

And, logically, a romance between a vampire can only end two ways. Either she grows old while he stays the same age (unless they changed that vampire rule too) until her inevitable death does them part. That would be tragic and bittersweet and not at all happy, but would probably be the best option. Or he turns her into a vampire and they live forever and ever together in a perfect love, which, if that is the end result, the longer she is not a vampire the more annoying it will be (apparently, this the way Meyer went, and it happened in the 4th installment, which is another reason why the whole thing is annoying).

But, hey, I am not its target audience. It sold incredibly well and millions of people love it (to the point of obsession). Pehaps there is something I am missing, some subtle nuance, by not reading it. But I'll never know because I just have no desire to get into it.

 

 4. Brett Favre: I've already covered my annoyance with Brett earlier in this blog. Yes, the whole ordeal over the summer really seemed to show Brett's true colors. People think he was justified in throwing the tantrum and can't understand why the Packers would not just ignore the public support they put behind Aaron Rogers and take Brett back with open arms.

But Brett became a whiny baby, an indecisive wuss and a petulant child in my eyes. Heck, he is still one of the best QB's in NFL history, and is destined for the Hall of Fame, but he isn't as much of a hero as he once was to me.

But now, with a whole season of football behind us, what has Brett done for the Jets. You could say Brett made them in to a playoff contender (although, not one who could win it when it was all on the line). But, outside of last year's abberation, the Jets were in the playoffs several times in the past few years. And the man Brett replaced, Chad Pennington, led the 1-15 of last year Miami Dolphins to a division championship and a playoff spot--with arguably less talent than Brett has. Who's to say Pennington could do the same if he stayed with the Jets.

What Brett did bring to the Jets was the whole "will he retire" rigamarole that plagued his last few years with the Pack. It's started again, and it's sure to get a lot of media attention. But if he does decide to re-retire, keep a locker open for him just in case. Or have a trade waiting in the wings in case he wants to come back, only not with you.

 

3. Sarah Palin: You know, I lived through the era of Dan Quayle, and I thought that was about as low as Republican Vice-Presidential Candidates could go. Then along came Sarah.

I try to figure out the reason why McCain added her to the ticket. I hope it wasn't just because she had girl parts and Hilary Clinton had girl parts and they hoped all the people who supported Hilary because of her girl parts would switch to McCain because of Palin's girl parts.

Part of the reason probably because she was folksy. She was supposed to embody that "person you'd like to have a beer with" quality that got Dubya inexplicably elected twice. But instead of folksy she came across as a rube who you wouldn't a heartbeat away from the presidency.

She couldn't interview her way out of a paper bag. She didn't appear to be knowledgeable about foreign affairs or practically anything presidential. She used her office as governor to punish her ex-brother-in-law. And, worse of all, she winked at us during a nationally televised debate. Winked. At. Us. Let's face it. I was probably never going to vote for McCain/Palin. But if I was on the fence, that wink would have sent me permanently over to Obama's side.  

People say Palin is the future of the Republican party. If she is, well, get used to a long reign with the Democrats in power.

 

 

2. This "Chapter" of Heroes:  The Heroes season so far is like fast food TV. You consume it, and at the time you think it is good and satisfying. But when you think about it later, you wonder why you bothered taking it at all.

This was supposed to be the bounce back year, the one where they fixed all the problems that plagued the series before the writer's strike. But not only didn't they fix the problems, they developed a whole new batch of them.

It seemed fairly obvious that they had no long range plan for the series in general or this season in particular. Questions were raised that were never explained. Heroes turned to villains with little or no known motivations. Characters acted like idiots just so they could advance the plot. Other characters when through season long developments which were interesting and could have been explored further but instead they were abruptly returned to the status quo. Powers of the cast were only what the writers need that week, and changed as per their whim.

There was a major creative shake-up, the effects of which will be seen when the series returns in February. I hope upon hope that the series will be able to right itself because of these changes. Because if it doesn't, it might not remain on the air that long.  

 

1. The Hills: I think this show is proof that God exists, Because if Satan exists, then God has to exist. And there has to be a lot of blood oaths to the dark lord for this series to remain on the air and have the popularity it has.

If this was just a reality program about a bunch of vapid bints complaining that their almost perfect lives are not completely perfect wholly through their own asinine actions, it would be pretty unbearable. Because, you know, I always find people who could afford to sell me a thousand times over whining because the a-hole they are dating is, well, an a-hole so gosh darn interesting.

But what makes it extra annoying that this is a unreal reality show. The "real life" events that make up the show are obviously shot and shot over again until they get it just right. That heart to heart talk you see probably took hours to shoot because the lighting was off or there was too much background sound.

This makes the fake and phony lives of these people even more fake and phony. The result is a poorly acted melodrama masquerading as real life. I simply can't understand what the appeal is. I just hope they reach teh ceiling fast. These yahoos 15 minutes of fame has long expired.   

Um, you guys DO know that the Steelers didn't bring their A game on Sunday, right? They made a boatload of mistakes, which, to your credit, you capitalized on. But this wasn't the out and out domination that you made it out to be with your wiping your feet on and blowing your nose in the Terrible Towel.

I know, I know. The whole "we're not as respected as an unbeaten team as the Patriots were last year" image you were trying to make for yourselves went out the window when, well, you were defeated. But the Steelers, when they had their act together, seemed to be able to move the ball against you fairly well. And the point total would be quite different if there weren't so many stupid turnovers. So theis "Dominating team of destiny" image you're trying to build? Doesn't really work if your a team that lost to the Texans.

That being said, I don't think should have to worry about your shenanigans having a negative effect against you when you meet the Steelers in the playoffs. Because you probably won't be meeting the Steelers in the playoffs. You'll probably be out by the second quarter of your first playoff game. I mean, there is a chance that the Jets could make the playoffs and we both know what happened the last time your guys met.

At the beginning of the 2007 season, the talk began again about Brett Favre retiring, as usually happened at the beginning of the last few seasons.

Favre decided not to retire, causing many writers to mock him, saying that he had a good run, but he should retire before he makes a fool of himself.

Favre proved them all wrong. He led a young and inexperienced Packers team to one game away from the Super Bowl. So great was Favre's cinderella story that even I, a Giants fan, would not be upset if he beat said Giants to get to another Super Bowl.

At the end of the 2007 season, Favre decided to take the pundits up on their advice. He tearfully announced his retirement and the Packers began grooming his replacement, Aaron Rodgers, to take over the starting QB job.

Favre showed a lot of class then. And he built up a lot of goodwill with me in those days. But that goodwill is almost all used up.

Favre has decided that he wants to play football again, And he wants to play someplace other than Green Bay because he asked the team to realease him (The Packers still hold the option on his contract).

The Packers refused. Two of the NFL teams in most need of a QB are Chicago and Minnesota, the Packers' divisional rivals.  If Brett wants to play, he can play in Green Bay. If he wins the starting job, they'd be happy to have him.

This isn't good enough for Brett, so a pissing match began.

I have to say, Favre is coming of like an arrogant jerk in this thing. Just look at what he said in an interview with FOX about the situation.

On competing for the Packers job:

"Why? That's what I would ask them: Why?"

 

On possibly being Rodgers back up: 

"We'll pay you $12 million, but you've got to hold the clipboard and ball cap? That's probably better for them as opposed to letting me go somewhere and me coming back. Then their legacy, the management, would, you know, could be in jeopardy."

See, Favre's typical aw-shucks demenor seems to have been replaced by outright egotism.

You'd think he'd at least try to show some loyalty to the Packers. Granted, he didn't start out as a Packer--he was drafted by the Atlanta Falcons, but he wouldn't be as famous as he is if it wasn't for the legacy of the Packers, the team they built around them and the promotion they gave him.

But Favre is coming off like a petulant child "I want to pway footbawl! I want to pway qwarterback! I don't want to compete! I want to be weleased!"

But the situation created by his retirement kind of forced the Packers hand. The organization has gone above and beyond what's expected in giving their vote of confidence to Rodgers, as well they should. What are they supposed to do? "We are 100% percent behind Aaron Rodg--what? Brett wants to come back? Sorry kid, Brett's back. Get lost. We are 100% behind Brett Favre..."

It's not fair to Rodgers to just be put aside now just because Big Baby Brett decided to flip flop on the retirement issue. Fair would be Brett becoming a back up or at least competing for the job. But the competetive drive in Farve is to big for that!

I would like to know where Brett thinks he's going if the Packers do realease him. Not many teams want to spend a lot of money or offer a long term contract to a 38-year old quarterback, even one of Favre's caliber. And the ones who are willing to take the risk and willing to make Favre the starter are ones with a shaky QB situation and, frankly, pretty much suck as a team. I'm sure that because he made the 2007 Packers perform above expectations, he can do it for any team.

But usually, these teams also have very weak offensive lines that Favre will have to play behind. Need I mention that Favre is on the cover of the latest Madden game and the Madden Curse that anyone on the cover gets injured during the season? Think about that Mr. Iron Man.  

I understand that Brett's competitive nature is part of what made him great and you can't just turn it off. But you have to think about the repurcussions of your actions. He retired. He caused the Pack to elevate Rodgers to their starting QB and put their faith in him. And they certainly don't want Favre playing for a divisional rival. Favre is hoping for a trade. I'm hoping he stays retired.  

It was a combination of the Jags wanting it more and the Steelers not being as good as their record leads them to believe they are. I mean, the defense had an aversion to tackling like the Jags had poison ivy or something. And special teams were lackadaisical. I'm amazed that the game was a close as it was.

So, congratulations, Jaguars. I hope you enjoy New England making you their bitch next week.

The news today was all about the Jacksonville Jaguars' Fred Taylor complaining about field conditions at Heinz Field.

"That field is terrible," Taylor said in a conference call with Pittsburgh reporters. "That's a lawsuit pending. That's ridiculous."

Mind you that is the same field that two weeks ago he put up 147 Yards and a touchdown. But Taylor wasn't done there:

"I prefer grass, but these cold-weather teams, late in the season, they allow high schools to play on their field and they allow colleges to play on their field," said Taylor, ninth in the league with 1,202 yards rushing. "It just goes completely bad. So I think a million-dollar investment won't hurt their pockets."

Oh, I'm sure the Steelers management will get right on that. Hey, Fred, if it bothers you that much, why don't you pony up the dough and make a donation for a field replacement?

Yeah, I'm no fan of Mr. Taylor. Mostly after years of drafting him for my fantasy football teams and him spending most of the year on the DL. Most recently, I was irked when on the St. Louis game after Willie Parker broke his leg, Bryant Gumbel and Chris Collinsworth were doing backflips in glee because it meant Taylor would go to the Pro Bowl. Yeah, I'm sure Willie felt just as happy for him, when he wasn't in excruciating pain.

Okay, it wasn't his fault that Gumbel and Collinsworth were nitwits. But I don't find his having a good year this year all that inspirational. !. He was healthy. 2. Maurice Jones-Drew wasn't. If those two things were different, he would be in shlub territory where he belongs.

My prediction? The field will be in perfect shape and Taylor will blow out his knee by turning wrong on it.

Don't get me wrong, I love the Steelers They have been my favorite team since I was a kid. But they are annoying the heck out of me this year. Here are my various and sundry rants:

• The Patriots have provided the blueprint on how to beat the Steelers--pass it towards Anthony "Big Mouth, no talent" Smith. Rumor has it that he's going to be benched. If only it came two games sooner.
• It's called tackling, guys! Fred Taylor is so brittle that his ACL would snap if you looked at it long enough. This past Sunday he looked like the freaking Juggernaut.
• You have to get up for playing the opponent. Arizona was so desperate they were going with a quarterback by committee. They beat us. Every pundit said that Denver would be a cakewalk. They beat us. Jacksonville is a warm weather team and the Steelers never lose at home. They beat us. Don't believe the hype! Play every team like the won the Super Bowl last year.
• We are now tied with the Browns for the divison lead. We hold the tie breaker, so as long as we stay tied, we win the divison. However, Cleveland has a relative cake walk in Cincinnatti on the road and San Francisco at home. The Steelers have road games tonight at St. Louis and next week at Baltimore. St. Louis is one of those "should win" games that the Steelers are famous for losing. And Baltimore always plays the Steelers tough no matter what the record. They have gone from being in contention for the number two seed to being in serious danger of losing the division title. And if the lose their two games and Tennesse wins their next two games against the Jets and Indianapolis, and the Browns win one game, the Steelers won't even make the playoffs. Yikes!

Five people of different levels of fame all dying on the same day, two from the same cause. That's spooky.

The passing of Bill Walsh really hit me, which was strange because I was never a 49ers fan. But, as I thought about it, the way football is nowadays kind of all traces back to him. The innovations he brought to the game have been transfered throughout the league by his assistants and their assistants until they're just about everywhere you look.

There are few geniuses these days but Walsh was one of them. And I'll miss him for all he's done for a sport I love.

I don't know why I am ranting about this. I mean, I am a fan of football. But I have no love or hatred towards the Houston Texans. They aren't my favorite team (That would be the Pittsburgh Steelers) or my least favorite team (That would be the Dallas Cowboys). But, as a fan of the game, I am continually amazed at some of this franchise's decisions.

The latest, according to this article, is that the team has traded with the Atlanta Falcons to obtain the rights to quarterback Matt Schaub. Furthermore, they have already announced that Schaub will be the starter, effectively ending the David Carr era in Houston.

Now, as a player, I like David Carr. I think he's scrappy and has talent. However, during his tenure at Houston the team went 24-56. It seems the Texans have lost patience in waiting for their first round draft pick, the first overall in the 2002 draft, to start performing.

The rhubarb is, that to have been successful in Houston, Carr would have had to have had the speed of The Flash, the endurace of Hercules, and the quick-decison making abilities of Braniac 5. Why? Because the offensive line in Houston was/is abysmal.

The team is constantly near the top of the "sacks" allowed column. It doesn't matter if you are Brett Farve, Peyton Manning or David Carr, you can't perform if you're constantly running for your life.

The reason given for picking Schaub is that  he has "the leadership that we think is needed." Schaub is a back-up who hasn't played a game since 2005 and only attempted 27 passes last year. Yeah, obviously he has the leadership they need.

He is also less mobile than Carr, so expect this trade to fizzle out...oh...about the second play from scrimmage in the Texans first pre-season game.

 

Bill