24 posts tagged “mockery”

Sorry about not posting that often. Something has come up in my life that has occupied most of my time. I'll tell you about it in a future blog post.

But in the last few week, I have gotten an upswing in Friendster spam, from hoochies (or rather, the porn sites that employ them) trying to pry on my being a lonesome, awkward man (which I am, except I am married and not interested in Internet hoochies). The spammers have upped their game, which doesn't make it any less mock worthy.

The first spam message came from a "woman" named "Jaqueline" (note the name):

Hi, I'm Dani! I'm short and blonde and covered in piercings lol. Music and art is a huge part of who i am and I live for creative expression . I'm a rockstar on the outside and a hippie at heart. My friends would describe me as cute and loveable [LINK REDACTED] , and pretty darn freaky.

• First off, lonely, horny men are gullible, not stupid. When the name in the first sentence doesn't match the one on the profile, you have lost about 90% of your target demographic. Why even include a name if you are not going to make sure they match up!?! 
• Needless to say, the picture attached to the message shows a brunette woman with nary a piercing. As a matter of fact, the same picture was used in two other Spam e-mails I got this week, C'mon, spammers! Put some effort into it!
• Interesting that they kept it mostly clean until the very end, and even then it is not as bad as it could be.
• Yet, the whole message is her talking about herself with no provocation. Lonely men would even think this is a bit odd.
• And love how the link just comes with warning or no information what it is. Subtle.  

Second spam, from a "woman" named "Annemarie".

I've been married for a while now and the magic just doesn't seem to be there anymore lol. I would love to feel like I am lusted after again. I want a man who is going to lust after me all the time. I've been a very bad girl, I think you should spank me ... Please. I am very real, so please be real too! I have to tell you I've gotten very hot just writing this [LINK REDACTED], so please don't keep me waiting.

• That LOL at the end of the first sentence really sells the heartbreak of Annemarie's situation, doesn't it?
• Annemarie is big into lust, isn't she?
• Spanking? Very cheeky!
• Ah, the old "I'm Real so you be real" trick. It would be more effective if you didn't have the same photo as the message before and after you (and another one changed their photo to the same one so there is four different spam e-mails with the same picture. Do they ever get any business?)
• Yes, that's the kind of woman I want. One who gets hot by telling me how bad their marriage is.

Third spam, from a "woman" named "Alisa":

Ok people here goes, twenty five tight girl desperately wants plain fellow to engage in great gushing sex ^o^. Looking for a fun guy or couple to play with. I am not looking for a relationship. You must be willing to have an e-mail [LINK REDACTED], IM, phone relationship for a short time before I will meet you in person . I will respond to the emails with pictures of myself.

• Now, this is brilliant. Gets right to the point. Uses both the word "tight" and "gushing" in the same sentence. Willing to accept couples.Doesn't want a relationship. Offers the possibility for a face to face meeting.
• Too bad it has the same photo as the other e-mails. Kinda spoils the illusion right there.
• And I'm sure the picture she sends will be of herself. They'll probably not all be of the same woman.  Or of women.

Fourth spam, from "Colette":

I love the rain. I enjoy going to school ^o^. I enjoy speding time with my family and also going out with friends. Im going to school to be a chartered accountant . I want to start my own accounting office. Im in a relationship but we are looking for some fun to spice up our relationship [LINK REDACTED]

• Really, too much information. I doubt anyone said "wow, I have a fantasy about having anonymous internet sex with a chartered accountant. Who likes the rain."
• I guess the "I'm in a relationship" line was included to enhance the realism, but if this worked at all, I'd think you'd lose a bunch of your prospective clients right there.

Fifth Spam, from "Rebecca":

[LINK REDACTED] is an adult live site :p very nice :p If you are disgusted with the contents of this ..:p Please do not click on it ' and am sorry to disturb you  

• Kudos for coming right out and saying what you are offering. I feel respected. You aren't trying to trick me with a crafty ruse. I might just click on your site if I had a scintilla of interest in that sort of thing.
• Point also to having a different picture than the rest of the spam e-mails. I like attention to details. It shows job enjoyment to me. 

And as a special bonus, two from April. Both with a subject of "Dear Friend, william Gatevackes,I Need you help!" The first from a "Devon".

hey! can i get your mailing address from ya? i've got something to send you :) [LINK REDACTED]

• Actually, it's "I Need Your Help". I make the same mistake all the time. 
• "Wait a minute, I don't know an Devo...she wants to send me presents? Let me click right away!" 

And from am "Evie":

Thanks! how are you all? [LINK REDACTED] Brody has surgery tomorrow

• I wish I could have been at the brainstorming session at spam central the day this one was sent out; SPAM BOSS: "Business is down and we need to step up or game. Think! What are some reasons that people send e-mails? SPAM WORKER 1: "To Thank people for stuff?" SPAM WORKER 2: "To ask how people are?" SPAM WORKER 3: "Inform them that someone they know is having surgery?" SPAM BOSS: "Perfect. Put all of those in an e-mail and send it out to every fat, ugly man on Friendster."
• I can't figure out if "you all" is refering to my family or just a failed attempt at that Southern colloquialism, "Y'all"
• And Really, is Brody that popular a name that these spammers would believe that every one in the world would know at least one? Really?

I'm going to start with Marvel, because I want to.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN FAMILY #1
Written by MARC DEMATTEIS & TOM DEFALCO
Penciled by ALEX CAl & RON FRENZ
Cover by ADI GRANOV
Heads' up, Web-Slingers! Not getting nearly enough bang for your Brand New Buck with Thrice Monthly Spider-Man? Well, get ready to have your Spider-Senses overloaded with the Brand New Amazing Spider-Man Family! Check in here for slices of life from Spidey and the rest of the Brand New Day Cast. We all know Spider-Man's origin - but what happened the day after Uncle Ben died? Find out as J.M. De Matteis and Spanish Sensation Alex Cal bring you SPIDER-MAN: 48 HOURS! Also, the Amazing Spider-Girl team of Tom DeFalco, Ron Frenz and Sal Buscema show us life before MayDay became Spider-Girl with MR. AND MRS. SPIDER-MAN! Also, check out AUNT MAY, AGENT OF F.E.A.S.T. and a flashback to the birth of Spidey's New Ways To Die nemesis, VENOM!
104 PGS./Rated A …$4.99

• What happens when a title doesn't sell very well? Cancel it and restart it under a slightly different name with a new number one!

SPIDER-MAN LOVES MARY JANE #1 (of 5)
Written by TERRY MOORE
Penciled by CRAIG ROUSSEAU
Cover by TERRY MOORE
At long, long, long, looooooooooooooooong last, SHE'S BACK!
Mary Jane Watson, in her very own adventures! Superstar writer Terry Moore (Strangers in Paradise, upcoming RUNAWAYS) supplies story (and covers!) and artist Craig Rousseau (The Perhapanauts) brings his best for this all-new mini.It's the beginning of a new high school year. MJ finally feels like she's got her life in order. Good friends, good classes, good relationship with a certain Wall-Crawler…but is there someone behind the scenes that's got it in for our rambunctious redhead?
32 PGS./All Ages …$2.99

• Only a mini!?! Really! That sucks. 

CAPTAIN AMERICA #41
Written by ED BRUBAKER
Pencils & Cover by STEVE EPTING
The epic "Death of Captain America" tale hits its penultimate chapter... and the final battle between the New Captain America and the people who killed Steve Rogers begins here! By the Eisner-Nominated team of Ed Brubaker and Steve Epting.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• It's about time!

IMMORTAL IRON FIST: THE ORIGIN OF DANNY RAND
Written by MATT FRACTION, ROY THOMAS & LEN WEIN
Penciled by KANO, GIL KANE & LARRY HAMA
Cover by GIL KANE
Honor. Dedication. And above all, purity of heart. There have been sixty-six men and women to carry the mantle of THE IMMORTAL IRON FIST throughout the ages ?" men and women of great courage, valor, skill and sacrifice. Sixty-six men and women have stood between man and the unstoppable forces of evil, willing to give all they have to hold back the hordes. This is the story of Danny Rand, the Iron Fist of today ?" as told in THE BOOK OF THE IRON FIST! Raised in the otherworldly kingdom of K'un-Lun as an unparalleled martial artist, the Earth-born Rand mastered the ability to focus his spiritual energy into an impervious fist of iron. Now, as the costumed adventurer called Iron Fist, he fights with the fury of his ancestors and a hope for a better tomorrow! Experience the birth of a legend like never before is this special re-presentation of MARVEL PREMIERE #15-16 ?" featuring lush, fully rendered coloring and an all-new framing sequence by MATT FRACTION and KANO!
48 PGS./Rated T+…$3.99

• That's a lot of words dedicated to what is essentially a reprint book.

MARVEL ADVENTURES THE AVENGERS #27
Written by JEFF PARKER
Penciled by IG GUARA
Cover by LEONARD KIRK
Marvel: Okay, 27 is your final Avengers issue- we're expecting something special.
Parker: Oh don't you worry, it will be. Heh.
Marvel: Really? Great! Who's in it?
Parker: Um... the guy with the thing- trust me, it's going to RAWK.
Marvel: You don't know what the story is yet, do you.
Parker: -think my phone's running out of juice-zzzz-can barely hear you--- bwip*
32 PGS./All Ages …$2.99

• Man, either keep Jeff Parker on this title, which he "RAWK"s at doing, or give him something in mainstream Marvel. You are letting a talent just slip out of your fingers.
• And do you think the people writing these solicitations really hate it when they have no idea what's going to be in the issue? I think this solicitation is them not taking it anymore.

MARVEL ADVENTURES SPIDER-MAN #42
Written by MARC SUMERAK
Penciled by VINCENç VILLAGRASA
Cover by MICHAEL RYAN
A night at the museum becomes a complete cat-astrophe when a feline femme fatale procures a priceless piece of Native American art. But the fur really begins to fly when the beautiful Black Cat is caught in the perilous pounce of the Puma! Looks like we've got ourselves a cat fight, Spidey... and you're caught in the middle! (Watch out for hairballs!)
32 PGS./All Ages …$2.99

• Of course, they don't do much better when they do get the issue info, though.
• CHOO!! CHOO!!! What's that sound folks? It the Secret Invasion Gravy Train, entering the station! Let's see how many books are on it this month? Okay?

SECRET INVASION #5 (of 8)
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by LEINIL FRANCIS YU
Cover by GABRIELE DELL'OTTO
Variant Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
Variant Cover by LEINIL FRANCIS YU
Sketch Variant Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
Embrace change. With these two words the Skrull Empire declares their intentions to the entire Marvel Universe.
Embrace change. With these two words thousands and thousands of comic fans who have declared Secret Invasion the comic book blockbuster of the summer brace themselves for the shocking changes that are about to happen to their favorite characters and institutions. Embrace change, True Believer, because change is coming!
32 PGS./Cardstock Cover/Rated T+ …$3.99

MIGHTY AVENGERS #17
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by KHOI PHAM
Cover by MARKO DJURDJEVIC
SECRET INVASION TIE-IN
The legacy of CAPTAIN MARVEL! The return of MAR-VELL has brought with it more questions then answers. In this special Secret Invasion tie-in, all those questions will be answered. Plus, Marvel Boy is confronted with his true destiny.
From Secret Invasion author Brian Michael Bendis and rising star Khoi Pham.
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

NEW AVENGERS #44
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by BILLY TAN
Cover by ALEKSI BRICLOT
SECRET INVASION TIE-IN
The dark secret of the Illuminati. Marvel's most covert gathering of heroes has a secret so dark that they never speak of it, even to each other. And it could be what has brought about the Secret Invasion.
From Secret Invasion author Brian Michael Bendis and Uncanny X-Men's Billy Tan.
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE #16
Written by DAN SLOTT & CHRISTOS GAGE
Penciled by STEFANO CASELLI
Cover by MARK BROOKS
SECRET INVASION TIE-IN
For months you've heard one question over and over again: "Who do you trust?" Well we've got your answer right here, Earth-boy: TRUST THE KILL KREW! Yeah, that's right, the SKRULL KILL KREW are back! And they're ready to kill, maim, torture, and butcher every mother lovin' Skrull out there! Also, back at Camp Hammond, ANT-MAN is in a giant world of trouble-the biggest kind of trouble the SECRET INVASION can dish out.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

SECRET INVASION: INHUMANS #1 (of 4)
Written by JOE POKASKI
Penciled by TOM RANEY
Cover by STEPHAN SEIJIC
Spinning directly out of SECRET INVASION - the hunt for Black Bolt begins! You learned that he was replaced by the Skrulls in New Avengers: Illuminati, now it's time to find out if the Inhumans' former king is dead or alive! How will the loss of their leader tear apart the Royal Family? Can the mighty monarch recover from this personal blow - that is, if he's even still living? And how far will Medusa, Crystal, Triton, Karnak and Gorgon go to find their disposed king? Writer Joe Pokaski (TV's Heroes) and artist Tom Raney (Annihilation: Conquest) unite for an adventure that not only expands the events of this year's biggest story, but will lead to huge events in 2009!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

SECRET INVASION: THOR #1 (of 3)
Written by MATT FRACTION
Art by DOUG BRAITHWAITE
Cover by GABRIELE DELL'OTTO
The Skrulls are coming for Asgard, and they've got the gods in their sights! But it's not just the pantheon who stand to suffer the repercussions of the aliens' secret invasion -- the citizens of small-town Broxton, Oklahoma are about to become collateral damage in the attack…and the God of Thunder must defend two cites at once! For a job this big, Thor will have to turn to one of his oldest and closest allies…Beta Ray Bill!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

SECRET INVASION: X-MEN #1 (of 4)
Written by MIKE CAREY
Penciled by CARY NORD
Cover by TERRY DODSON
It's aliens vs. mutants as the Skrull Invasion hits the West Coast! X-Scribe Mike Carey and super-hot artist Cary Nord (ULTIMATE HUMAN) bring you a story that will shock X-Fans and have everyone talking for years to come. The Skrulls don't expect the X-Men when they hit San Francisco, but don't think they don't have something very special prepared for Cyclops and his army when they find them at their new home. STARRING: ALL THE X-MEN. YUP. ALL OF THEM.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

SECRET INVASION: SPIDER-MAN: BRAND NEW DAY #1 (of 3)
Written by BRIAN REED
Penciled by MARCO SANTUCCI
Cover by MIKE MCKONE
New York is full of Skrulls and Spider-Man... where the heck is Spider-Man, anyway? Now, thanks to Brian Reed (MS. MARVEL) and exciting newcomer Marco Santucci, Jackpot and the rest of the cast of Brand New Day must pick up Spidey's slack and go toe-to-toe with Super-Skrulls-- including one that might just be Spidey himself!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

SECRET INVASION: RUNAWAYS/YOUNG AVENGERS #3 (of 3)
Written by CHRISTOPHER YOST
Penciled by TAKESHI MIYAZAWA
Cover by MICHAEL RYAN
The rip-roaring teen mini-series comes to a killer climax! The teams are split up, but can they come together and stop the Invasion? Can Hulkling become the Messiah he has been prophesized to be? Is Xavin lost forever?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

SECRET INVASION: FRONT LINE #2 (of 5)
Written by BRIAN REED
Penciled by GG STUDIOS' MARCO CASTIELLO
Cover by JUAN DOE
New York has fallen to the Skrulls, and humanity is struggling to survive. Brian Reed (CAPTAIN MARVEL) and Marco Castiello (P'N'P) bring you the Skrull Invasion through the eyes of the man on the street in the Marvel Universe.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY #4
Written by DAN ABNETT & ANDY LANNING
Penciled by PAUL PELLETIER
Cover by CLINT LANGLEY
SECRET INVASION TIE-IN!
When their HQ is sabotaged, the universe's scrappiest squad of butt-kickers must ask themselves: "Who do you trust?" Is there a Skrull amongst the Guardians? Maybe the recently returned and revamped Adam Warlock? Or Star-Lord, who now hides behind a mask? And a talking raccoon and a telepathic dog? C'mon, people, you just know they're evil infiltrators! So jump onboard, Secret Invasion maniacs, and find out why ComicPants.com says: "(Writers) DnA are on fire right now, and this team is brilliant."
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

NOVA #16
Written by DAN ABNETT & ANDY LANNING
Penciled by WELLINTON ALVES
Cover by PAUL DAVIDSON
SECRET INVASION TIE-IN!
At last - our #1 sci-fi hero rockets into the alien invasion saga that's tearing apart the Marvel Universe! But is our always-outnumbered space cop actually teaming with one of the enemy? When Super-Skrull comes asking for a favor, can you ever trust the warrior whose life was dedicated to destroying us? The summer blockbuster hits here in the book that IGN calls "easily one of Marvel's best titles"!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

INCREDIBLE HERCULES #120
Written by GREG PAK & FRED VAN LENTE
Penciled by RAFA SANDOVAL
Cover by JOHN ROMITA JR., KLAUS JANSON & DEAN WHITE
SECRET INVASION TIE-IN!
"SACRED INVASION" reaches its cosmos-shattering climax! Hercules leads the ragged remains of his God Squad into desperate battle with the unimaginably powerful Skrull pantheon -- and if they lose, Earth dies!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

MS. MARVEL #30
Written by BRIAN REED
Penciled by ADRIANA MELO
Cover by GREG HORN
Ms. Marvel discovers the Skrulls' dark secret hidden away within Riker's Island. Something even worse than the armies already rampaging across the Earth? Most definitely. Brian Reed (CAPTAIN MARVEL) and Adriana Melo (Witchblade) bring the tale of Ms. Marvel and the Skrull invasion to its brutal conclusion.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

CAPTAIN BRITAIN AND MI:13 #4
Written by PAUL CORNELL
Penciled by LEONARD KIRK
Cover by BRYAN HITCH
It's the final battle for Britain as MI-13 makes its last stand against the Skrulls. But the door to the darkness has been opened, and evil is loose in the world, and that might make even the end of the Secret Invasion look like the beginning of something much worse. Be here for the moment a team is created, a hero returns and a new legacy is born.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

X-FACTOR #34
Written by PETER DAVID
Penciled by LARRY STROMAN
Cover by BOO COOK
A SECRET INVASION TIE-IN!
X-Factor is in pursuit of Darwin, whose father is looking for him. She-Hulk and Jazinda are in pursuit of Longshot, who may hold the key to defeating the Skrull invasion. With Darwin and Longshot on the run, neither of them wanting to be found, you'd just assume that X-Factor and She-Hulk will work together smoothly to accomplish both their goals. But what fun would that be?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

SHE-HULK #32
Written by PETER DAVID
Penciled by GG STUDIO's VINCENZO CUCCA
Cover by MIKE DEODATO
SECRET INVASION TIE-IN!
Okay, we know that Jazinda, She-Hulk's fellow bounty hunting partner, claims she's not part of the alien invasion…but can you ever trust a Skrull? Especially one that's the daughter of the infamous Super-Skrull? Months of accusations and mistrust come to a boil as our gamma-powered glamazon leaps into this year's biggest event!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

THUNDERBOLTS #123
Written by CHRISTOS GAGE
Penciled by FERNANDO BLANCO
Cover by BILLY TAN
A SECRET INVASION TIE-IN!
The Skrull armada rains destruction on our nation's capitol! The only thing standing in their way? The Thunderbolts. But if salvation depends on a group of criminals and madmen who can barely keep from killing each other, is Earth doomed? Or are they exactly what we need against the merciless alien invaders? A major turning point for the Thunderbolts begins here!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

NEW WARRIORS #15
Written by KEVIN GREVIOUX
Penciled by KOI TURNBULL
Cover by NIC KLEIN
A "SECRET INVASION" Tie-In that brings you New Warrior against New Warrior!
To discover the true fate of his deceased brother, Night Thrasher will need to survive a melee between his
current teammates and his former teammates, infiltrate a heavily-guarded S.H.I.E.L.D. station, and brave an army of Skrulls armed with the abilities of every superhuman he's ever known. Piece of cake, right?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

BLACK PANTHER #40
Written by JASON AARON
Penciled by JEFTE PALO
Cover by JASON PEARSON
"SEE WAKANDA AND DIE," Part 2
The nation of Wakanda has never been conquered by any outside invader, but then again, they've never faced an army of Super-Skrulls before, have they? As war rages on the plains of Africa, the Skrulls strike a major blow against the Black Panther. Could this be the end for all of Wakanda? No really, could it?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Okay, you have the Secret Invasion series itself, 13 tie-ins to ongoing titles, and 6 brand-new miniseries created to tie-in to the event--four starting this month. That's 20 titles Wow.

NEWUNIVERSAL: CONQUEROR ONE-SHOT
Written by SIMON SPURRIER
Penciled by ERIC NGUYEN
Cover by BRANDON PETERSON
Five thousand years ago, civilization was held in the mighty hand of the slayer called STARR, who defended his kingdom from all invaders. But what were these invaders? Simple monsters…or something more? In this, the second one-shot story exploring the history and mythos of the NEWUNIVERSAL world, writer SIMON SPURRIER-hand-picked by NEWUNIVERSAL's WARREN ELLIS-and visionary artist ERIC NGUYEN bring to life a history like you've never imagined!
48 PGS./Parental Advisory …$3.99

• So, Mr. "I-only-work-hard-for-myself" can't put out two issues of a miniseries in a row and has to "hand-pick" a writer for a one shot? Wonderful.

RUNAWAYS #1
Written by TERRY MOORE
Pencils & Cover by HUMBERTO RAMOS
Come see the beginning of a whole new Runaways! Comics legend Terry Moore (Strangers in Paradise, Echo) and super-star artist Humberto Ramos (X-MEN, WOLVERINE, SPIDER-MAN) run back to Los Angeles with your favorite teen heroes. But it's not the same city they left so long ago. The Runaways try to stay off the radar, but the sins of their parents won't make that possible…
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Yes. Yes! YES! This is news most awesome!!!!

NYX: NO WAY HOME #1 (of 6)
Written by MARJORIE LIU
Penciled by KALMAN ANDRASOFSZKY
Cover by ALINA URUSOV
Variant cover by JO CHEN
There's no place like home-just ask young mutant KIDEN NIXON. She's survived the hard streets of Manhattan, and she's built a home-and a family-for herself, with her friends TATIANA, BOBBY SOUL and his LI'L BRO. But with fewer than 200 mutants left on the planet, Kiden's become a target-and when somebody strikes at one of her friends, Kiden's going to find out just how much farther she can fall! Don't miss the breathtaking return of this beloved series, by NEW YORK TIMES best-selling writer MARJORIE LIU (the DIRK & STEELE SERIES) with stunning art by KALMAN ANDRASOFSZKY! Plus-a special behind-the-scenes gallery!
40 PGS./Parental Advisory …$3.99

• So, has Marvel run out of 1970s properties to bring back and couldn't find any 80s or 90s titles worthy of dredging up that the now have to look to the Zeroes for its nostalgia kick? Really?

CABLE #6
Written by DUANE SWIERCZYNSKI
Penciled by
Cover by ADI GRANOV
"HOMEFRONT"
Special double-sized issue featuring the Uncanny X-Men! Meanwhile, back in the present . . . In the aftermath of the "Messiah Complex" war, Cyclops took a leap of faith and allowed his son Cable to disappear into the time stream with the first new mutant birth since "M" day -- and the future of the dwindling mutant population -- tucked under his arm. Weeks later, he still waits for a sign, however small, that he made the right decision. With evidence pointing to the fact that Bishop has jumped into the timestream and is hot on Cable's trail, the X-Men's unquestioned leader is about to make one final power move to protect the fate of mutantkind - one that he might come to regret.
48 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

• Do we really need a double sized issue after only 6 issues?

YOUNG X-MEN #5
Written by MARC GUGGENHEIM
Penciled by YANICK PAQUETTE
Cover by TERRY DODSON
The numbers are in and it's official: Young X-Men is Mighty Marvel's newest hit!!! It's Marvel's youngest mutants in their final showdown with and one of them won't be walking away from it. The Young X-Men's first story arc ends here and nothing will ever be the same again. Yeah, we know lots of books make that claim, but with Marc (Eli Stone, AMAZING SPIDER-MAN) Guggenheim and Yanick (ULTIMATE X-MEN) Paquette delivering the goods, you know this one's for real!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Wait a minute? A new series with X-Men in the title a success right off the bat!?! HOW CAN THIS BE!!!!!?????!!!!!!

X-FORCE #6
Written by CHRISTOPHER YOST & CRAIG KYLE
Pencils & Cover by CLAYTON CRAIN
Bloody Variant by CLAYTON CRAIN
"Angels and Demons" Conclusion
The shocking finale to the first arc! Wolverine versus Bastion. Archangel versus the Choir. Wolfsbane versus her father. X-23 versus Matthew Risman. Warpath versus . This is how a species dies.
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99

• Okay, is who Warpath is facing supposed to be a secret? Or is this just bad writing?

WOLVERINE: KILLING MADE SIMPLE ONE-SHOT
Written by CHRISTOPHER YOST & TODD DEZAGO
Pencils by KOI TURNBULL & STEVE KURTH
Cover by STEPHEN SEGOVIA
Wolverine's hard to kill, sure-but if one guy knows how to do it…it's WOLVERINE himself! X-FORCE co-writer Christopher Yost and superstar Koi Turnbull have all the answers as Wolverine faces down NANNY and ORPHAN-MAKER and lets former NEW X-MEN member TRANCE in on all his secrets… And in a special bonus tale, TELLOS writer Todd Dezago and NEWUNIVERSAL's Steve Kurth send Logan to the Arctic Circle, and show us that there's always one more way to die…
48 PGS./Parental Advisory …$3.99

• Okay, Wolverine is finally beyond the point of overexposure and moved on to Marvel just trying to use Wolverine fans' money to finance their organization.

X-FACTOR SPECIAL: LAYLA MILLER ONE-SHOT
Written by PETER DAVID
Penciled by VALENTINE DE LANDRO
Cover by BOO COOK
Trapped in a future she never made, Layla Miller finds herself smack in the middle of the Summers rebellion that was responsible for the eventual liberation of mutants from the camps. The only question is, will she survive it?
48 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

• Wait a minute? Layla Miller is still alive? I am behind on my comic reading but the last I saw was she was on the business end of a grenade.

PUNISHER #60
Written by GARTH ENNIS
Penciled by GORAN PARLOV
Cover by TIM BRADSTREET
"VALLEY FORGE, VALLEY FORGE," CONCLUSION
Garth Ennis concludes his epic run - in style! They threw up a wall of good men to shield themselves from the Punisher's wrath. Now these men of influence and privilege are going to pay. Frank Castle is about to bring his personal war to their doorstep in what might be the bloodiest chapter yet of the Punisher saga. Also featuring an 8-page preview of PUNISHER #61, "Girls in White Dresses," written by best-selling crime novelist Gregg Hurwitz (The Crime Writer) and illustrated by
Laurence Campbell (PUNISHER ANNUAL: THE HUNTED).
40 PGS./Explicit Content …$2.99

• Goodbye, Mr. Ennis, you will be missed. And is including the "sneak peek" of the next writer in with this issue really that good of an idea. Wouldn't he only pale in comparisson? The only thing worse would be releasing the next issue in the same month as this one!

PUNISHER #61
Written by GREGG HURWITZ
Penciled by LAURENCE CAMPBELL
Cover by DAVE JOHNSON
"GIRLS IN WHITE DRESSES," PART 1
The first of three story arcs written by three of the hottest writers in crime fictions starts here! Best-selling crime novelist Gregg Hurwitz (The Kill Clause, The Crime Writer) and Laurence Campbell (PUNISHER ANNUAL: THE HUNTED) bring you a tale of death, depravity and revenge south of the border. In black vans and under cover of night, they descend on the little Mexican town of Tierra Rota, abducting its women and returning them days later like broken dolls. And no one can stop them. That is, until one brave soul approaches Frank Castle with his heart in one hand and a bag full of money in the other. Now Frank's no bounty hunter, and definitely no hero, but there are some things the Punisher just can't abide.
32 PGS./Explicit Content …$2.99

• Oh. Wow. Nevermind!

And now, DC:

• CHOO!!! CHOO!!! Uh-oh! Another train is pulling into the station! It's the Final Crisis Gravy Train! Let's see who's on it!!!

FINAL CRISIS: REVELATIONS #1

Written by Greg Rucka
Art by Philip Tan, Jeff De Los Santos & Jonathan Glapion
Covers by Philip Tan
Greg Rucka (52, Whiteout, THE QUESTION: THE FIVE BOOKS OF BLOOD) and rising superstar Philip Tan unleash the wrath of God in this FINAL CRISIS tie-in!
With the end of creation nigh, Crispus Allen must embrace his role as The Spectre by exacting God's vengeance on some of the DC Universe's most vile sinners. But even as Allen struggles with his duty, a new threat is arising " one that only his former partner, Renee Montoya, a.k.a. The Question, can help him fight!
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers by Philip Tan that will ship in approximately 50/50 ratio. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale August 13 • 1 of 5 • 40 pg, FC, $3.99 US

FINAL CRISIS: LEGION OF THREE WORLDS #1

Written by Geoff Johns
Art by George Pérez & Scott Koblish
Covers by George Pérez
From the moment Kal-El landed on earth until the end of time, the Time Trapper has sought to erase Superman’s impact on the universe. But the Legion of Super-Heroes have always been there to stop him. This time, though, even the Legion won’t be enough. The Time Trapper has found the ultimate weapon to carry out his plan " a twisted mirror image of the boy of steel from a parallel Earth long dead: Superboy-Prime! Who will answer the Legion’s call for help? Find out here as the Crisis of the 31st century begins!
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers by George Pérez that will ship in approximately 50/50 ratio. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale August 20 • 1 of 5 • 40 pg, FC, $3.99 US

DC UNIVERSE: LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT #1

Written by Brad Meltzer
Art and covers by Adam Kubert & John Dell
New York Times best-selling author Brad Meltzer (IDENTITY CRISIS, JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA) makes his return to the DC Universe " and superstar artist Adam Kubert (ACTION COMICS) is riding shotgun!
The final battle is quickly approaching. How do the heroes of the DCU prepare for the end? Whom do they approach and say goodbye to before they make the ultimate sacrifice? Featuring the entire DC Universe, Meltzer takes us deep into the hearts and psyches of our heroes. It's the day before you die. What would you do?
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers by Adam Kubert that will ship in approximately 50/50 ratio. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale August 27 • 48 pg, FC, $3.99 US

FINAL CRISIS: SUPERMAN BEYOND #1

Written by Grant Morrison
Art by Doug Mahnke & Christian Alamy
Covers by Doug Mahnke and J.H. Williams III
To save the woman he loves, the greatest hero of all time becomes the pawn of ultra-dimensional forces when a wounded emissary from a world of doomed super gods comes to Earth on the eve of the Final Crisis. His mission: To recruit Superman’s help against an epic, reality-spanning menace that originated in the Crisis on Infinite Earths!
Join the Man of Steel and his alternate-earth counterparts for a mind-blowing voyage to the edge of the DC Universe " and beyond! Can these super champions overcome their differences to beat the clock, find the ultimate treasure and save all existence from extinction?
Writer Grant Morrison and artist Doug Mahnke take you on an unforgettable, hyperdelic journey from the streets of Metropolis, through the 52 worlds of the multiverse, to the haunted court of the King of Limbo, in part one of this 2-issue Superman adventure!
With a unique 3-D section, eye-popping visuals and mind-boggling glimpses into the mysteries behind FINAL CRISIS, SUPERMAN BEYOND takes the Man of Tomorrow to new dimensions of action and excitement! This issue comes with a pair of 3-D glasses!
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers (one by Doug Mahnke and one by J.H. Williams III) that will ship in a ratio of approximately 50/50. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale August 27 • 1 of 2 • 40 pg, FC, $4.50 US

FINAL CRISIS #1: DIRECTOR’S CUT SPECIAL

Written by Grant Morrison
Art and cover by J.G. Jones
Come on a guided tour of DC’s FINAL CRISIS #1 and become further enveloped in the event of the century. Delve deep into the mind-blowing first issue as we explore what every page and panel represents, and the process behind the story as Grant Morrison and J.G. Jones reveal secrets hidden in the script and art.
On sale August 6 • 64 pg, FC, $4.99 US

FINAL CRISIS: ROGUES’ REVENGE #2

Written by Geoff Johns
Art and covers by Scott Kolins
Life was easier when the Rogues had Barry Allen for a foe " or at least it was a bit more fun. Now, hunted by Libra and the Secret Society for refusing to worship the impending evil that is prophesized to claim Earth, Cold and his crew find themselves attacked on several fronts . . . and that doesn’t sit well with the Rogues. Plus, a bizarre twist for Inertia!
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers by Scott Kolins that will ship in approximately 50/50 ratio. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale August 20 • 2 of 3, 40 pg, FC, $3.99 US

• So, 4 miniseries, three which are starting this month, and two one-shots (if you call the wholly unnecessary "Final Crisis Directors Cut" a one-shot) for six issues all together! Of course, the fact that there is no issue of the actual Final Crisis series solicited is problematic, but hey, DC is being easier on the pocket book than Marvel for this month at least.

TEEN TITANS #62

Written by Sean McKeever
Art and cover by Eddy Barrows & Ruy José
Guest-starring Cyborg! When villains attack, it's up to two remarkable teens to pick up the pieces so the Teen Titans don't have to. This issue: a heartwarming look at Titans Tower through the eyes of its least-known inhabitants: Wendy, Marvin ... and Wonderdog?!
On sale August 27 •32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Man, to what lengths will DC go to satisfy the nostagia trend! Wendy and Marvin are before even my time, and I'm old!

TITANS #5

Written by Judd Winick
Art by Rodney Buchemi
Cover by Ian Churchill
In the stand-alone story “Date Night,” four Titans face the fact that love is a battlefield. Meanwhile, a mysterious figure is making his way to Titans Tower. Who is this ominous stranger " and how does he or she know the Titans?
On sale August 13 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• So, at least Winick is paying some lip service to his annoying trend of having his characters hook up. But you can have relationships between characters without them sleeping with each other, Judd.

NIGHTWING #147

Written by Peter J. Tomasi
Art by Don Kramer & Sandu Florea
Cover by Rags Morales
A “Batman: R.I.P.” tie-in! Two-Face hits New York City " but when he takes a bite out of the Big Apple, he finds it rotten to the core. He’ll make Nightwing and all of New York pay for their crimes…unless Nightwing can save one of Harvey Dent’s old flames from an assassin’s bullet!
On sale August 6 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• "he takes a bite out of the Big Apple, he finds it rotten to the core." Wow. Cliche-laden much? Is this all that is written in the Big Book of Cliches for New York City?

ALL STAR SUPERMAN #12

Written by Grant Morrison
Art by Frank Quitely & Jamie Grant
Cover by Frank Quitely
The Man of Steel has faced twelve super-challenges. Now, as Lex Luthor’s brilliant, criminal machinations come together, what fate awaits the doomed Superman? This is the final, dramatic chapter of the incredible, award-winning 12-issue run of ALL STAR SUPERMAN by Grant Morrison, Frank Quitely and Jamie Grant " don’t miss it!
On sale August 6 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Sooo, does this mean that this is the last issue of All Star Superman? For a while? For ever? And will this mean the end of the "All-Star" experiment?

INFINITY INC. #12

Written by Peter Milligan
Art by Javier Aranda David EnebralCover by Pete Woods
A Dark Side Club tie-in! The mystery of Professor Fogel and his allegiance to the Dark Side Club are laid bare in this harrowing final issue, in which the Infinity Kids find themselves outmatched in every way! A dream comes to an end, but for Infinity Inc., the nightmare is just beginning.
On sale August 6 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • FINAL ISSUE

• Is the "Dark Side Club" a FInal Crisis thing? Then shouldn't this be a Final Crisis tie-in? Not that it would do it any good.

Another round of solicitation mockery. Up first is Marvel. But before we start, let me just say something:

SKRULLS

This is what happens when Greg Horn doesn't use photo reference.

DARK TOWER: END-WORLD ALMANAC
Written by ANTHONY FLAMINI & ROBIN FURTH
Cover by JAE LEE & RICHARD ISANOVE
Woe unto those who traverse beyond the cursed Borderlands into End-World! ’Tis a twisted and desolate realm where it seems as if the world passed ages ago. From the blasted landscapes of Thunderclap to the frozen heights of Empathica, End-World shows no mercy to unwary young Gunslingers. In a world where information - and a bit of luck - is the key to survival, the End-World Almanac serves as your guide to the Badlands, Le Casse Roi Russe and beyond!
32 PGS./CARDSTOCK COVER/Parental Advisory …$3.99
©2008 Stephen King. All rights reserved

• Would it have killed them to just say "this tells you all you need about the world of Dark Tower?"

ULTIMATE X-MEN #96
Written by ARON ELI COLIETE
Penciled by MARK BROOKS
Cover by GABRIELE DELL’OTTO
X-Men vs. X-Men! After their attack on Alpha Flight, Colossus and his team are wanted fugitives! Worse, they’ve become addicted to the insidious drug known as Banshee! Now it’s up to the other X-Men to take them down. Yes, it’s mutant vs. mutant! When the X-Men go to war with each other, who wins? Plus, the startling revelation of Jean Grey! Where did she go after defeating Apocalypse? Find out here!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Poor Banshee. Killed off in the mainstream universe, and in the Ultimate one he's not even a character. He's just a drug. 

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #564
Written by BOB GALE, Marc Guggenheim & DAN SLOTT
Penciled by Paulo Siqueira
Cover by CHRIS BACHALO
It's a good old fashioned He Said/He Said/He Said when Spidey, Vin Gonzales and SWING SHIFT Heavy OVERDRIVE find themselves in a car chase across the Big Apple! Three members of our Braintrust's best give you each side of the same story, as Gale, Guggenheim and Slott team up for “TRAFFIC JAM!”
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

• Why do I think that this issue result in from a conversation that went like this: "Steve, I'm running late! I can't finish writing a full issue in time! Issue #564 will have to be late!"  "Whoa! Whoa! Could you finish a third of an issue?" "Yeah, but..." "Hold on, I'll call you back. I have an idea."

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #565
Written by MARC GUGGENHEIM
Pencils & Cover by PHIL JIMENEZ
Her name is . She's Spider-Man's newest and most terrifying nemesis -- and she just discovered his secret identity. With an army of villains at her command, even with the help of Daredevil, can Spidey protect his secret identity from his new foe? Find out as Marc Guggenheim and Phil Jimenez give you the fight of Spidey’s life against the Brand New !
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

• Take a look at that first sentence. Her name is what, exactly? I mean, come on Marvel! I know solicitations are probably low on your things to do, but at least have someone look them over! The general public is going to see this!
• And Brand New is a goofy, goofy name for a character.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN: BRAND NEW DAY EXTRA!!
Written by JOE KELLY, MARC GUGGENHEIM & ZEB WELLS
Art by CHRIS BACHALO & VARIOUS
Cover by GREG LAND
Even with three issues every month, we can't fit everything we want into Amazing Spider-Man. So BRAND NEW DAY: EXTRA!! takes a deeper glimpse into Spidey's new world with three stories that flesh out his family, friends and foes, stories that will affect Spidey deeply over the coming months. Spidey Braintrust members Guggenheim and Wells welcome Joe Kelly (DEADPOOL, Superman) for a one-shot marking the return of one of Peter's most unforgettable enemies: Hammerhead! It's a sign of things to come…and it's looking deadly.
48 PGS./Rated A…$3.99

• Or, in other words, Marvel doesn't think you're spending enough on this whole Brand New Day thing. Three books a month is just too little!

AVENGERS/INVADERS #3 (of 12)
Written by JIM KRUEGER & ALEX ROSS
Penciled by STEVE SADOWSKI
Cover by ALEX ROSS
Variant Cover by OLIVIER COIPEL
The King of Atlantis vs the Prince of Atlantis with an entire kingdom as the ultimate prize. Alex Ross, Jim Krueger and Steve Sadowski continue the year’s most surprising cross-time epic with a battle that promises to tear two centuries asunder. Plus, more clues to the mystery of just how the Invaders landed in 2008!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• I thought the time travel cliche was that if a future self met up with their past self, the universe would be destroyed?

CAPTAIN AMERICA: WHITE #0
Written by JEPH LOEB
Pencils & Cover by TIM SALE
Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, the Eisner award winning team (DAREDEVIL: YELLOW, SPIDER-MAN: BLUE, HULK: GRAY, Batman: The Long Halloween, Superman For All Seasons, Television's HEROES) return to Marvel and their prestigious "color" book series. CAPTAIN AMERICA: WHITE is their newest creation, peeling back an untold tale of Captain America and Bucky during World War II. Their unique combination of in-depth characters and high stakes action shines here with Cap's deadliest mission of all. Marvel is proud to bring you Captain America: #0 this summer as a taste of what’s to come. Featuring an all new full story about the Origin of Bucky Barnes and how he came into Cap’s life, this special edition features a cover gallery, sketchbook, script samples, and an interview with the creators. They are happy to be back at Marvel and we're thrilled to have them! Plus, the whole story seen in black-and-white.
48 PGS./Cardstock Cover/All Ages …$3.99

• BTW, I DO NOT think the title of this book is racist. And I think that anybody whose inclination is to think it is should just unclench.

FANTASTIC FOUR #559
Written by MARK MILLAR
Pencils & Cover by BRYAN HITCH
You should have remembered the old adage, Johnny: love the woman, love her family. And when the woman is the super-villain called Psionics, that raises the stakes to a whole other level. Now it’s the morning after, and Lightwave, Natalie X, Alex U-16, Doc Banner and the Burning Man expect you to live up to your responsibilities. It’s the Human Torch’s worst break-up ever -- or will it be a shotgun wedding? Plus: where in the world is Doctor Doom?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Speaking of horrible character names.

FANTASTIC FOUR: TRUE STORY #1 (of 4)
Written by PAUL CORNELL
Penciled by HORACIO DOMINGUEZ
Cover by NIKO HENRICHON
A threat to the minds of the whole human race sends the FF somewhere they've never been before: into the realm of fiction itself! Where Ben finds himself clobbering a demonic army to save the cast of Sense and Sensibility. No, really. And it gets weirder from there. Dante (not the one from Clerks)! Willie Lumpkin! Behold, the Fictocraft! And it's actually kind of smart and serious too. You're at least going to flip open the first page in your comic store, right?
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

• Do you get the feeling Mr. Solicitation Writer guy likes writing blurbs for some books more than others. I mean, it seem like he just kinda gave up on this one towards the end.

IMMORTAL IRON FIST #17
Written by Duane Swierczynski
Pencils and Cover by Travel Foreman
“The Mortal Iron Fist" part 1 of 4
Marvels’ kickingest, punchingest, kung-fu-iest book just got bigger! Following the character-redefining, critically-acclaimed, fan-favorite events of “The Seven Capital Cities of Heaven,” the all-new IMMORTAL IRON FIST creative team of Duane Swierczynski (CABLE) and Travel Foreman (ARES) takes it to the next explosive level! Think you know everything there is to know about the traditions of the Immortal Iron Fist? If you do, then why’s Danny sweating bullets over an inescapable legacy that’s haunted the Iron Fists for centuries, huh? Tell us that, if you’re so smart. What was the deeper meaning of Xao’s ominous threat? And what incredible new adventure are Danny’s fellow Immortal Weapons embarking upon?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• How could replacing Brubaker/Fraction on the book with Duane Swierczynski make the book bigger? Is this some kind of wacky, opposite world we're talking about here?

MARVEL ADVENTURES SUPER HEROES #1
Written by PAUL TOBIN
Penciled by ALVIN LEE
Cover by ROGER CRUZ
It’s probably a bad sign when Hercules comes asking for a favor. It’s juuuuuust a little job that needs doing, but this is Hercules; isn’t he supposed to be REALLY good at doing labors himself? Before they know it, Iron Man, Spider-Man and the Hulk are stuck looking after Orthus and Cerberus, the two legendary hounds of the underworld! Luckily, the dogs learn to behave after chewing up only a few cars, a statue, and Iron Man, and finally they’re obedient enough for the Metro Dog Show! Only problem, Hercules wants the dogs back. Oh no, Herc, not before the Hulk gets his ribbon! It’s two dogs with five heads between them, and all the action you can handle.
32 PGS./All Ages …$2.99

• HULK DON'T GET RIBBON, HULK SMASH!!!!!! HULK THINK DOGGIE GAIT JUST FINE!!! FIND HULK'S DOGGIE'S CHEW TOY OR HULK'S DOGGIE WILL SMASH!!!!

MARVEL ADVENTURES HULK #13
Written by PETER DAVID
Penciled by JUAN ROMAN
CANO SANTACRUZ
Cover by SEAN GORDON MURPHY
Hulk and his traveling buddies (fun-loving teen, Rick Jones and rollicking monkey, Monkey) have returned to New York City to find something amiss… all the super heroes have been transformed into ravenous, stumbling monsters! But can even the strength of the Hulk stand up to the unstoppable… MARVEL MUMMIES?!? Fan-fave Hulk creator Peter David comes to Marvel Adventures Hulk with unlucky issue 13, bringing our most mummified issue ever!
32 PGS./All Ages …$2.99

• Two things: 1) Peter David on the Hulk is always a good thing, 2) The way Marvel does things, there will be a Marvel Mummies miniseries in the future, and then a whole bunch of Mummy Variant covers soon after.

PATSY WALKER: HELLCAT, AGENT OF THE INITIATIVE #1 (of 5)
Written by KATHRYN IMMONEN
Penciled by DAVID LAFUENTE
Cover by STUART IMMONEN
Patsy Walker, S.H.I.E.L.D. wants YOU to join the Initiative…and protect the frozen north. You heard me right, sister. The Klondike. Seward’s Folly. Alaska. So pack some long johns and prepare for trouble. GUEST-STARRING: IRON MAN!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

• I am glad that Marvel Comics Presents are spawning miniseries, but if the series has Initiative in its title, wouldn't Iron Man automatically be guest-starring? Would it really be all-caps worthy?

SECRET INVASION #1 DIRECTOR’S CUT
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by LEINIL YU
Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
Go behind the scenes of the event that will change the Marvel Universe forever! The shape-shifting alien race known as the Skrulls has secretly infiltrated every super-powered organization on Earth with one goal: full-scale invasion! Now, get closer to the action than ever before! This bonus edition reprints SECRET INVASION #1 in its entirety - plus the SECRET INVASION PROLOGUE, previously available only online, and other choice extras!
64 PGS./ Rated T+ …$4.99

• The series is only four issues old and it's getting a "Director's Cut" already? Really?

SQUADRON SUPREME 2 #1
Written by HOWARD CHAYKIN
Penciled by MARCO TURINI
Cover by GREG LAND
“POWER TO THE PEOPLE” PART 1 (OF 6)
They were gods walking the Earth… powerful but flawed, they dreamed of remaking the world in their image. After their apocalyptic battle with Redstone, and after their terrifying fight with the Ultimate Universe, that dream has become a nightmare. While mankind struggles to rebuild, new heroes appear -- and Nick Fury, left behind after the hit ULTIMATE POWER limited series, learns the shocking secrets of four astronauts who returned to Earth…changed. Join comics legend HOWARD CHAYKIN and newcomer MARCO TURINI to ask the question -- whatever happened to the Squadron Supreme?
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99

• I know it's been a while since the last issue came out, but how bad is it that I can't seem to recognize anybody on this cover?

TRUE BELIEVERS #1 (of 5)
Written by CARY BATES
Pencils & Cover by PAUL GULACY
“PAYBACK IS A BITCH”
Super heroes running a female fight club? Unbelievable perhaps, but it's a tale of depravity that will send shockwaves across the globe once the sordid details appear on a podcast uploaded by the TRUE BELIEVERS! Who are these counter-culture subversives with strange powers and abilities who have proclaimed themselves 'warriors of the information age'? The True Believers not only speak truth to power, they wield it like a weapon using it to root out lies and deception, cover-ups and conspiracies wherever they find them. Whether it’s S.H.I.E.L.D. or the Illuminati, HYDRA or Weapon X, the CIA or the CSA, no target is too big and no one is off-limits -- including a wary superhuman community with plenty of its own secrets to hide!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Wow! Cary Bates, back writing comics! What's next? Elliot S! Maggin?

UNCANNY X-MEN #500
Written by ED BRUBAKER & MATT FRACTION
Penciled by GREG LAND & TERRY DODSON
50/50 Wraparound Cover by ALEX ROSS
50/50 Wraparound Cover by GREG LAND
Variant Cover by MICHAEL TURNER
Variant Cover by TERRY DODSON
“SFX”, PART 1!
Sentinels? What? And Magneto? And is that the Master Mold? What the hell is going on in San Francisco now that the Uncanny X-Men have relocated there? They’ve got a new Headquarters and a new status quo as the gauntlet is thrown for a new era of mutantkind. It’s all here in the double-sized anniversary issue that sets up the plotlines that will be developed over the next year in UNCANNY. And it’s all brought to you by the hot writing team of Ed Brubaker & Matt Fraction (Immortal Iron Fist) and fan favorite artists Greg Land (ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR, X-MEN: FREE COMIC BOOK DAY) and Terry Dodson (SPIDER-MAN/BLACK CAT, Wonder Woman). New creators, new home. The future begins now.
48 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

• So, am I supposed to be excited that the X-Men are in San Francisco? Uh, okay. Yay.

CABLE #5
Written by DUANE SWIERCZYNSKI
Pencils & Cover by ARIEL OLIVETTI
Variant Cover by MARC SILVESTRI
The war that started in “Messiah CompleX” continues here! Hang on to your Bjorn-straps, people: Here it is, the can’t-miss conclusion to “War Baby”! Both Cable and Bishop have crossed lines they thought they’d never cross. There’s no going back now. And in the disaster-ravaged streets of a near-future Manhattan, it all comes down to which X-Man wants to accomplish his objective more. The gloves are off…the guns are loaded…and nobody’s going to walk out of this one unscathed…
including the baby!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• NO! NOT THE BABY! (See, this is what happens when you put the kid in from of you in your bandolier strap)

X-MEN: ODD MEN OUT ONE-SHOT
Written by ROGER STERN & MICHAEL HIGGINS
Penciled by DAVE COCKRUM
Cover by ERIC NGUYEN
Featuring two never-before-seen stories illustrated by the late, legendary Dave Cockrum. First up, relive the history of the
X-Men, as recounted by Professor X and his old friend, former FBI Agent Fred Duncan. Then, the New Mutants - Rictor, Boom Boom, Cannonball, Rusty, Skids, Sunspot and Wolvesbane - face off against the Mad Thinker.
48 PGS./Rated A …$3.99

• Not that paying tribute to Dave Cockrum isn't a good cause, especially if some money goes to his widow, but who thinks these stories have been stuck in a drawer somewhere for 20 years.

FINAL CRISIS #3
Written by Grant Morrison
Art and covers by J.G. Jones

Batman missing in action! Superman immobilized! Green Lantern on trial for his life!
A shadow is falling across Earth’s super heroes -- and now it’s Wonder Woman’s turn to face the Evil Gods!
What bizarre warning from beyond awaits Frankenstein, The Question and the agents of S.H.A.D.E. in the shadows of the Dark Side Club? What grim fate lies in store for The Human Flame? What happens when the Anti-Life Equation hits the internet? Can the Fastest Men Alive outrun The Black Racer -- Death himself? And who are the Justifiers?
The answers are all here as the unstoppable rise of evil continues in FINAL CRISIS #3 by Grant Morrison and J.G. Jones.

Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers by J.G. Jones that will ship in approximately 50/50 ratio. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.

On sale July 30 • 3 of 7 • 40 pg, FC, $3.99 US

• I don't know. I'm still not feeling it. 

FINAL CRISIS: REQUIEM #1
Written by Peter J. Tomasi
Art by Doug Mahnke & Christian Alamy
Covers by J.G. Jones and Doug Mahnke

A very special FINAL CRISIS one-shot honoring the passing of a great hero who’s been a staple in the DC Universe for years. All that remains is one final memory that the League experiences together as they must fulfill his last wishes or die trying!

Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers (one by J.G. Jones and one by Doug Mahnke) that will ship in approximately 50/50 ratio. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.

On sale July 9 • 40 pg, FC, $3.99 US

• Yes, this will honor the A-list hero who will be back in six months, or the Z-list hero no one cared about until they were killed off--who also will be back in six months. 

FINAL CRISIS: ROGUES’ REVENGE #1
Written by Geoff Johns
Art and covers by Scott Kolins

The critically-acclaimed FLASH team of writer Geoff Johns and artist Scott Kolins reunites for a tale of villainy and twisted justice tying in to FINAL CRISIS! Captain Cold and the Rogues were accessories to the murder of Bart Allen. They’ve become what they never set out to be -- wanted! Wanted by the good guys, by former Rogue Pied Piper, and by the Secret Society of Super-Villains. But just as they try to disappear underground, good, old-fashioned revenge yanks them back. And where is the Flash during all of this? It’s a Crisis -- take a guess.

Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers by Scott Kolins that will ship in approximately 50/50 ratio. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale July 16 • 1 of 3 • 40 pg, FC, $3.99 US

• Thanks DC. Putting Johns and Kolins back on Flash? You're forcing me to throw my plans to cut back on my comics buying out the window.

AMBUSH BUG: YEAR NONE #1
Written by Keith Giffen & Robert Loren Fleming
Art by Giffen & Al Milgrom
Cover by J.H. Williams III
Variant cover by Giffen

The wait is over -- everyone's favorite Bug is back, courtesy of the original AMBUSH BUG team of Keith Giffen and Robert Loren Fleming! Cities will be destroyed! Cats and dogs will live in sin! Every unanswered question of the DC Universe will be answered! Live heroes will die and dead heroes will live! Okay, none of that actually happens, but join us anyway for this totally irreverent romp through the DC Universe as only Ambush Bug could give you!
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers. For every 10 copies of the Standard Edition (with a cover by J.H. Williams), retailers may order one copy of the Variant Edition (with a cover by Keith Giffen). Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.

On sale July 23 • 1 of 6 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• See above.

BATMAN #679
Written by Grant Morrison
Art by Tony Daniel & Sandu Florea
Cover by Alex Ross
Variant cover by Daniel

“Batman R.I.P.” -- Part 4! Robin and Damian team up -- yes, you read that right -- to search for the missing Batman. Meanwhile, the Club of Villains -- The Hunchback, Pierrot Lunaire, King Kraken, Charlie Caligula, Scorpiana and El Sombrero -- rampage through Gotham City! This incredible fourth chapter of “Batman R.I.P.” ends with the surprising return of a character you never thought you’d see again!

Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers. For every 25 copies of the Standard Edition (with a cover by Alex Ross), retailers may order one copy of the Variant Edition (with a cover by Tony Daniel). Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale July 23 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Could that character be Batman?

THE JOKER’S ASYLUM

THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: THE JOKER #1
Written by Arvid Nelson
Art by Alex Sanchez
Cover by Andy Kubert
THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: PENGUIN #1
Written by Jason Aaron
Art and cover by Jason Pearson
THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: POISON IVY #1
Written by J.T. Krul
Art and cover by Guillem March
THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: SCARECROW #1
Written by Joe Harris
Art and cover by Juan Doe
THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: TWO-FACE #1
Written by David Hine
Art and cover by Andy Clarke

A cast of top creators lends their talents to THE JOKER’S ASYLUM -- a special month-long, weekly series of one-shots starring the greatest villains in Batman’s rogues gallery.

Each issue tells a special stand-alone story that gives readers an inside look into the insane lives of the Dark Knight’sgreatest adversaries. And all the stories are narrated by the Asylum’s leading homicidal maniac -- The Joker!

THE JOKER on sale July 2 • PENGUIN on sale July 9 • POISON IVY on sale July 16 • SCARECROW on sale July 23 • TWO-FACE on sale July 30 • Each 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Ah, The "let's release a lot of Batman books to coincide with the movie" tactic. Because, you know, people coming in shops wouldn't buy any of the 15 regular monthly Batman series.

CATWOMAN #81
Written by Will Pfeifer
Art by David Lopez & Alvaro Lopez
Cover by Adam Hughes

Catwoman’s on the run in Gotham City once more. Can she stay one step ahead of Batman while trying to turn the tables on the man who’s destroyed her life?
On sale July 30 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • FINAL ISSUE

BATGIRL #1
Written by Adam Beechen
Art by Jim Calafiore & Jonathan Glapion
Cover by Andy Clarke

Fresh from appearances in BATMAN AND THE OUTSIDERS, the enigmatic Cassandra Cain stars in this six-issue miniseries written by Adam Beechen (COUNTDOWN, ROBIN) with pencils by Jim Calafiore (GOTHAM UNDERGROUND)!

Now that Batgirl has finally gained Batman’s trust, it’s time to conquer her inner demons and prove herself to the rest of the world. This six-issue epic will take Cassandra on an intense, personal journey involving friends, family and foes!

On sale July 16 • 32 pg, FC, 1 of 6, $2.99 US

• Catwoman ends but Batgirl begins? Sad.

TWO-FACE YEAR ONE #1
Written by Mark Sable
Art by Jesus Saiz & Jimmy Palmiotti
Cover by Mark Chiarello

In a time of corruption and greed, the only force keeping Gotham City from collapsing into utter chaos included Assistant District Attorney Harvey Dent, a cop named Jim Gordon, a vigilante known only as Batman -- and a mysterious group of untouchable crimefighters working outside the law. Be here to witness the beginning of a legacy, when a meeting between Gotham’s Finest and Gotham’s Vilest spawn the protectors who will safeguard Gotham’s future, as well as the monster who will try to burn it to the ground.

Don’t miss the start of this exciting 2-part miniseries featuring one of The Dark Knight’s most fearsome foes!

On sale July 16 • 1 of 2, 48 pg, Prestige Format, FC, $5.99 US

• Movie tie-ins are okay, but you get only 2 issues instead of the ordinary 6.

BLUE BEETLE #29
Written by Matthew Sturges
Art and cover by Rafael Albuquerque

New series writer Matthew Sturges (JACK OF FABLES, HOUSE OF MYSTERY) comes aboard to kick off “Boundaries,” with returning series artist Rafael Albuquerque! As Blue Beetle struggles to establish himself as the protector of El Paso and Cuidad Juarez, he finds himself thrown into the heart of the immigration struggle, made all the more complicated by the involvement of Intergang -- and another, more mysterious, figure. Coming at you straight outta Texas, Sturges takes our hero into new territory as Beetle works out his responsibilities as both a hero in the DC Universe and a citizen of a border town.

On sale July 30 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• I don't know if Matt Sturges is the right guy to take over BB. I mean, I like his Jack of Fables and his wrapping up of Shadowpact was okay, but using the immigration conflict as a story idea seems a bit cliched.

THE ALL-NEW ATOM #25
Written by Rick Remender
Art by Pat Olliffe & John Stanisci
Cover by Ladrönn
Out of place, out of time and out of hope, Ray Palmer and Ryan Choi face the Worm-Man from the sub-atomic prison world of Lady Chronos! Will Ryan make the ultimate sacrifice so Ray and the rest of Ivy Town can live to see another day?

On sale July 2 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • FINAL ISSUE

• Aw! This sucks. I guess Remender/Oliffe were only brought on to wrap things up.

THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD #15
Written by Mark Waid
Art and cover by Scott Kolins

The siege of Nanda Parbat continues as Green Arrow and Deadman get some much-needed assistance from Nightwing and Hawkman!

On sale July 23 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Okay, the artist on this book has made a serious downturn. Let's stop it before it goes any father.

GREEN ARROW/BLACK CANARY #10
Written by Judd Winick
Art by Mike Norton & Wayne Faucher
Cover by Cliff Chiang
Speedy and the shady Dodger are up against the League of Assassins by themselves -- until Batman joins in. And along the way, the Dark Knight lets them in on Ra's al Ghul's involvement in the assassination attempt on Connor Hawke!
On sale July 9 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Notice what's missing from this solicitation? The words Green, Arrow, Black and Canary.

JONAH HEX #33
Written by Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Gray
Art and cover by Darwyn Cooke

A special issue drawn by Eisner Award-winning artist Darwyn Cooke (DC: THE NEW FRONTIER, THE SPIRIT)! Jonah Hex travels to Canada on the trail of his latest bounty. But with the Mounties hot on his heels, this isn't going to be an easy job.

On sale July 2 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• This makes me happy.

MANHUNTER #32
Written by Marc Andreyko
Art by Michael Gaydos
Cover by Liam Sharp
Drawn deeper into the politics of a missing-persons mystery, Manhunter calls on local heroes -- and even villains -- to navigate the twilight world of the U.S.-Mexican border, invoking the wrath of Director Bones and the DEO!

On sale July 2 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Wow. Two comics with immigration themes. It's gone from cliched to redundant. But at least Manhunter's back!

THE SPIRIT #19
Written by Sergio Aragones & Mark Evanier
Art and cover by Paul Smith

Once again the Spirit finds a way to cheat death in Central City in his trademark two-fisted-yet-lighthearted fashion!
On sale July 23 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Or, in other words. "We don't know what the hell is in this issue!"

MILLENNIUM TP
Written by Steve Englehart
Art by Joe Staton, Ian Gibson and others
Cover by Joe Staton & Mark Farmer

The 1988 8-issue miniseries MILLENNIUM is collected for the first time! The Guardians of the Universe have left our dimension behind -- and in their absence, the deadly robotic army of Manhunters threatens the survival of the DC Universe!

Advance-solicited; on sale August 6 • 192 pg, FC, $19.99 US

INVASION TP
Written by Keith Giffen & Bill Mantlo
Art by Todd McFarlane, Bart Sears, P. Craig Russell, Joe Rubinstein and others
Cover by McFarlane & Rubinstein

The massive 3-issue miniseries from 1988 is collected for the first time! In this universe-spanning saga, the deadly but emotionless Dominators have come to Earth to wipe out the threat posed by metahumans. But what is the real reason for their attack?

Advance-solicited; on sale August 27 • 256 pg, FC, $24.99 US

• Released, apparently, to tie-in to Marvel's Secret Invasion.

WILDCATS: WORLD’S END #1
Written by Christos Gage
Art by Neil Googe and Trevor Hairsine
Covers by Neil Googe

After the shattering conclusion of NUMBER OF THE BEAST, a jaw-dropping new status quo will be established in the WildStorm Universe -- and it begins now! Christos Gage (WILDSTORM: ARMAGEDDON, THE AUTHORITY: PRIME) and Neil Googe (WELCOME TO TRANQUILITY, MAJESTIC) bring a unique new vision to the classic Wildcats team, reuniting the classic team with some surprising new members. Also, a new monthly backup story begins, kicked off with the return of John Lynch by Gage and X-Men: Deadly Genesis artist Trevor Hairsine!

Retailers please note: This issue will feature two covers that will ship in approximately 50/50 ratio and join together to form a single image. Please see the Previews Order Form for more details.

On sale July 30 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Hey, if at first you don't succeed, well, keep trying until you do.

STORMING PARADISE #1
Written by Chuck Dixon
Art and cover by Butch Guice

It’s 1945, and Europe lies in ruins, the Nazi war machine defeated. As the United States looks east to the last remaining Axis power and the final push in a long war, a miscalculation in the Manhattan Project results in annihilation of the team of scientists developing the American atomic bomb. America's only remaining option is Operation Olympus -- the invasion of Japan! But the bloody, island-hopping campaign that brings American forces to Japan’s doorstep won’t prepare the G.I.s for the horror they will face as women, children and the few surviving Japanese soldiers begin the grim preparation for repulsion.

This brutal, revisionist look at the second World War could only be handled by master storytellers Chuck Dixon (ROBIN, TEAM ZERO) and Butch Guice (ACTION COMICS, Daredevil). Every angle of this conflict will be touched upon, from the infantry storming the beaches to the Army Air Corps bombing the home islands of the Empire of the Rising Sun to the desperate struggle of the Japanese to save their culture from annihilation, as the true meaning of “war is hell” is explored in full.

On sale July 2 • 1 of 6, 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Dig the concept, but isn't Butch Guice a Marvel exclusive?

FABLES #75
Written by Bill Willingham
Art by Mark Buckingham & Steve Leialoha
Cover by James Jean

Don’t even ask us the title, because it’s a secret! Have you ever read those new-comics blurbs that promise things like, “After this issue nothing will ever be the same again,” but you know in a few months none of those so-called big events will have mattered? Well, this isn’t one of those times. This time when we say FABLES will never be the same again after this issue, that’s a promise you can take to the bank. So, without further ado: After this issue of FABLES, nothing will ever be the same again. Oh, and someone dies.
On sale July 16 • 64 pg, FC, $4.99 US • MATURE READERS

JACK OF FABLES #25
Written by Matthew Sturges & Bill Willingham
Art by Russ Braun & Andrew Pepoy
Cover by Brian Bolland

Let's face it: You already know what's going to happen in this issue. Jack’s going to do something smarmy, some creepy guy will do something creepy, an egg will explode, and a little blue pig will pontificate on weighty matters while wearing a brassiere on his head. Just another typical chapter in the life of Jack of The Tales. In this issue, however, we learn a bit more about the lovely young librarian Robin Page, and find out why she does the things she does. It’s part one of a new story, even!

On sale July 30 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • MATURE READERS

• You can say one thing about the Fables solicitations, they sure are unique!

Hello all,

By now, you should have heard about the controversy that Brian Michael Bendis' dialogue for Dr. Doom in a recent Mighty Avengers caused. Here it is if you missed it.

Naughtynaughty

Ouch! Fat Piece of Furniture? Cow mouth? Whore's Heart? This does not sound like the Doom we all know and love!

Anyway you slice it, it is still a pretty bad piece of dialogue. And what's especially odd is that Bendis usually is pretty good with dialogue.

Kevin Church has a more Doom worthy dialoguing effort. But I believe we should go in a different direction. Not only should Doom speak out of character, but he should speak as an entirely different character:

Naughtynaughty guffman version copy

Victor Von Doom as played by Corky St. Clair. I think this is what Bendis was going for.

Yes, today, instead of reading for my classes tomorrow, I am doing a little blogging. I'll mock Image first because it is shorter:

WAR HEROES #1 (OF 6) GEM OF THE MONTH
story MARK MILLAR
art & cover TONY HARRIS

THE WRITER OF CIVIL WAR, THE ULTIMATES, KICK ASS AND WANTED! THE ARTIST OF STAR MAN, EX MACHINA AND SPIDER-MAN: GREAT POWER! TOGETHER AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME! If you've been wondering what MARK MILLAR had planned for ULTIMATES 3, then wonder no more this is it! The mind that reinvented superheroes for the 21st Century joins forces with one of comicdom's best artists to chart new courses for superhero action in a series that will definitely be one of the most talked about of the year!

JUNE 25 32 PAGES FC $2.99

• Several questions about this series: 1) Why isn't this at Icon? 2) If Mark Millar had a storyline planned for Ultimates 3, why didn't he do Ultimates 3? Because, you know, it would have been better that way. 3) So, Millar planned to replace Hitch with Harris for the third series? Really?

Now, Marvel:

SKAAR: SON OF HULK #1
Written by Greg Pak
Pencils & 50/50 Cover by RON GARNEY
50/50 Variant Cover by Carlo Pagulayan
Variant Cover by BORIS VALLEJO AND JULIE BELL
Born in fire. Raised by monsters. Destined to destroy. On an alien planet shattered by war, no one is stronger than Skaar, the savage Son of Hulk. But as a Fillian warlord, an Imperial princess, and a mysterious Earthman spread chaos through the wastelands, will Skaar save the puny survivors -- or smash them? Another epic fever dream from Greg Pak, writer of "Planet Hulk" and World War Hulk" -- featuring the return of legendary Hulk artist Ron Garney!

32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Is it just me, or does this seem like a sci-fi Mad Libs verion of a solicitation? (Action)__________ in (force of destruction)__________. Points for Vallejo and Bell on covers, though.

MARVEL ILLUSTRATED: THE THREE MUSKETEERS #1 (of 6)
Written by ROY THOMAS (BASED ON THE NOVEL BY ALEXANDRE DUMAS)
Penciled by HUGO PETRUS
Cover by GERALD PAREL
Paris, 1625. A young man called d'Artagnan, after a series of misadventures, attempts to join the King's elite fighting force-The Musketeers! Joined by Porthos, Aramis and Athos, the four make short work of the Crown's adversaries. But little do they know, the evil Cardinal Richelieu is creating a counter force to the Musketeers, one which may soon challenge the power of the French throne itself! The latest title in the Illustrated line reunites the creative team which brought you the much-lauded adaptation of The Man in the Iron Mask. All for one and one for all!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

• Ah, Marvel's Illustrated line! Keeping Roy Thomas a working member of society!

ULTIMATE ORIGINS #1 (of 5)
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by BUTCH GUICE
Cover by SIMONE BIANCHI
Variant Cover by MICHAEL TURNER
This is it! The story that finally reveals the conspiracies behind the entire Ultimate Universe! When they first met, Bruce Banner mysteriously warned Spider-Man that "Everything is connected." Now it's time to discover the jaw-dropping secrets that men have fought and died to protect. From the dark days of World War II to the frightening present, journey through history to learn what's really behind the Super Soldier and Weapon X programs-and how heroes such as Captain America, Nick Fury and Wolverine have more in common than codenames and costumes. The dream team of Brian Michael Bendis and Butch Guice (CAPTAIN AMERICA, IRON MAN) unite for the first time for the Ultimate series of the year that is a must-read lead-in to ULTIMATUM!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• "This is it" is right. This series was supposed to come out months ago

ULTIMATE X-MEN #95
Written by ARON COLEITE
Penciled by MARK BROOKS
Cover by GABRIELE DELL'OTTO
HEROES writer Aron Eli Coleite continues his run - and introduces a team of X-Men like you've never seen before! Who are Ultimate Alpha Flight? What do they want with Northstar? What is Colossus willing to do to get him back? And just wait until you see that last-page shocker!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99  

• It's come to this? Ultimate Alpha Flight? Really?

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #561
Written by "Dandy'" DAN SLOTT
Pencils & Cover by "Many Fingered" MARCOS MARTIN
Peter Parker: Paparazzi! Part 3 of 3
"Photo Finished"
They say a picture's worth a thousand words... Well, for Peter Parker, the right picture is worth a million bucks! And what he does with it is really gonna change his life! This is a big one, Spidey Fans! We've got shake ups and break ups! Fake outs and freak outs! And a fight to the finish with one of Spider-Man's strangest foes: the fiendishly foldable PAPER DOLL! Miss this one, Marvelite, and you'll miss out on the BEST mystery guest of the YEAR! Here's a hint...she's a redhead!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

• One thing I give Brand New Day credit for, it certainly is introducing new villains to the Spidey mythos. And some are kind of interesting, on paper at least. Oh, and any guesses who that redhead is? Not all at once!!!

SPIDER-MAN FAMILY #9
Written by PAUL TOBIN
Art by DEREC AUCOIN
Cover by SALVA ESPIN
Spider-Man, the friendly neighborhood…chaperone? When the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier races off to fight a hostile UFO, Nick Fury asks (okay, tells) Spider-Man that he needs to watch after Bruce Banner. Now all Spidey needs to do is convince a city full of assorted thieves and felons (and…DANG…Dr. Octopus!) to KEEP IT DOWN for the day, cuz, you know, this is the guy that turns into the Hulk. PLUS: the story no one thought they would see, the debut of all-new backup feature "Mr. & Mrs. Spider-Man"! In this first installment, using their individual talents, Peter and Mary Jane Parker join forces to prevent the Lizard from destroying his own family.
104 PGS./Rated A …$4.99

• Mr & Mrs. Spider-Man?I guess too many people started buying Amazing Spider-Girl so they had to create a spill over for all the married Spidey lovers out there.

AMAZING SPIDER-GIRL #21
Written by TOM DEFALCO
Pencils & Cover by RON FRENZ
"A Brand New MAY!"
Part 2 of 5
As Peter Parker and Normie Osborn try to learn the identity of the brand new May, Spider-Girl investigates Humanity First and battles a brand new super-foe.
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

• And the original recommendation for married Spidey fans plays up to its new found audience.

CAPTAIN AMERICA #39
Written by ED BRUBAKER
Pencils & Cover by STEVE EPTING
Okay, what the heck is going on here? Is that two guys in Captain America outfits? Yeah, it is.
More than that, we cannot say.
The epic Death of Captain America continues in Part Three of "The Man Who Bought America" by the acclaimed team of Brubaker and Epting.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

CAP_AM_39

• Part of me hopes this isn't some sort of a serve, but even if it is, I probably won't be too mad because it will probably be well written.

ETERNALS #1
Written by CHARLES KNAUF & DANIEL KNAUF
Art & 50/50 Cover by DANIEL ACU„A
50/50 Variant cover by OLIVIER COIPEL
The Gods Walk the Earth! In ancient times, the Celestials, a race of cosmic giants, came to Earth and created a race of powerful immortal beings: The Eternals! For a time, primitive man worshiped them as gods, but eventually they disappeared. Now, they have returned! One of the Celestials now towers over Golden Gate Park, standing in judgment over the Earth… but does he bring the end of the world? Following up on Neil Gaiman's best-selling series (and a recent appearance in the Incredible Hercules), join writers Charles and Daniel Knauf and rising superstar artist Daniel Acu–a, as Jack Kirby's Eternals return to walk among us!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Do you want to know how I know this will not be as good as Neil Gaiman's Eternals? Because Neil Gaiman is not writing it. Neil Gaiman's Eternals=Whole milk, this series=Skim Milk.

FANTASTIC FOUR #558
Written by MARK MILLAR
Pencils & Cover by BRYAN HITCH
Who are the New Defenders, and why does their appearance on Earth foretell the eventual extinction of mankind? Who has liberated Doctor Doom from his incarceration awaiting trial, and why? And what's up with Valeria? (Oh, and the Fantastic Four are in it too...)
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• So, we have a New Defenders, who appear to be different than any Defenders that came before them, even the most recent "Last Defenders" and Doctor Doom awaiting trial, even though he is a soverign monarch and, therefore, has diplomatic immunity. Continuity? Sensible plot points? Feh! This is stuff for lesser creatures than Millar and Hitch!  

HULK: RAGING THUNDER
Written by JEFF PARKER
Art by MITCH BREITWEISER
Cover by GREG LAND
She will be the mightiest champion of her time. He was the mightiest monster of his. What happens when these legends clash will change the course of history for the warrior known as THUNDRA! PLUS, a classic Thundra tale!
48 PGS./Rated A …$3.99

• Wait a minute? Such a thing as "a classic Thundra tale" exists!?! Well, shave my back and call me Betty!

MARVEL ADVENTURES HULK #12
Written by PAUL BENJAMIN
Penciled by STEVE SCOTT
Cover by DAVID NAKAYAMA
Get ready, fight fans! The ultimate warrior is coming at you live from the Milky Way: the Champion of the Universe! He'll take on Earth's greatest gladiators with the planet itself hanging in the balance. In Earth's corner: the jaw-breaking Juggernaut, daring Doc Samson, the ever-lovin', blue-eyed Thing, and that jade giant, that green goliath...the Incredible Hulk! Are you ready to ruuuumble?!
32 PGS./All Ages …$2.99  

• Or, in other words, Marvel Two-In-One Annual #7, if the series starred the Hulk instead of the Thing.

SPIDER-MAN MAGAZINE #1
Cover by PHIL JIMENEZ
It's Spider-Man from cover to cover as the wall-crawler leaps into his very own ongoing magazine! In addition to full-length comic-book stories, this premiere issue features puzzles and games, pinups, a letters page, and a pull-out poster!
96 PGS./All Ages …$6.99

• Yeah, I give it two years, tops. Less if there isn't a Spider-Man 4 before then.

MYTHOS: CAPTAIN AMERICA
Written by PAUL JENKINS
Art and Cover by PAOLO RIVERA
He may be dead, but now you can find out how the man became the legend! Mythos revisits Steve Rogers'
transformation from a weakling with a heart of steel to the Sentinel of Liberty! From the mind of Paul Jenkins and the stunning art of Paolo Rivera comes the origin of CAPTAIN AMERICA!
32 PGS./Cardstock Cover/Rated A …$3.99

• Hey, everybody! It's relist month!

NOVA #14
Written by ANDY LANNING & DAN ABNETT
Penciled by WELLINTON ALVES
Cover by ALEX MALEEV
Continuing one of the wildest Galactus and Silver Surfer stories ever! He's got the power of the entire Nova Force. He's faced down the likes of Sphinx and Annihilus. But is the Human Rocket even in the same league as the Devourer of Worlds and his most famous herald? And what the blue blazes can Nova do when he finds himself the only thing standing between the big G and his next super-sized mega-meal? So, c'mon all you Silver Surfer & Galactus fans, take a chance on this book and find out why IGN.com says "NOVA has become one of Marvel's best new series."
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Man, you're in trouble when you are appealing to Silver Surfer fans. Granted, one assumes that it is Nova's target audience, but Surfer fans haven't done too well with keeping that character's books afloat. Like they will help Nova stay in publication?

SECRET INVASION #3 (of 8)
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by LEINIL FRANCIS YU
Cover by GABRIELE DELL'OTTO
Variant Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
Sketch Variant Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
THE BLOCKBUSTER EVENT continues. Its Avenger versus Avenger. Hero versus hero! Norman Osborn versus Captain
Marvel?? The Initiative versus an army of Super-Skrulls? Is Tony Stark really a- -? And who's that guy with an eye patch coming to save the day?? And, oh man, who did he bring with him?
32 PGS./Cardstock Cover/Rated T+ …$3.99

• Oh, Marvel! You are such a tease!

AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE #14

AVN_THEINT_14

Written by DAN SLOTT & CHRISTOS GAGE
Pencils by STEFANO CASELLI
Cover by MARK BROOKS
SECRET INVASION TIE-IN
"We Have Met the Enemy and He Is Us!"
During the INFILTRATION, a Skrull at the heart of the Camp Hammond said these words: "It won't be long until we have a Skrull in every state! "Now that Skrull stands revealed and the fate of The Initiative, the United States, and Planet Earth hang in the balance. Plus: Former Avenger, Delroy Garret, assumes the mantle and arsenal of Earth's greatest Skrull-Hunter, THE 3-D MAN. He's here to chew bubblegum and kick some Skrull-@$$. And he's all out of bubblegum.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Yellowjacket being a Skrull makes perfect sense, which is why this cover is possibly a swerve. Also, love those two last sentences, all the way from respect for continuity to the return of one of my favorite characters (and coolest looking, IMHO) to the quote from "They Live".

SECRET INVASION: RUNAWAYS/YOUNG AVENGERS #1 (of 3)
Written by CHRISTOPHER YOST
Penciled by TAKESHI MIYAZAWA
Cover by MICHAEL RYAN
The Skrulls are invading and the Runaways and the Young Avengers both have a Skrull on their team. Coincidence? We think not. You two favorite teen teams come together again as the Marvel U is pushed to the brink.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Yes, it's the annual "Let's keep the properties alive until a new issue comes out by creating a separate event tie in series" series.

PUNISHER WAR JOURNAL #20
Written by MATT FRACTION & RICK REMENDER
Art by HOWARD CHAYKIN
Cover by ALEX MALEEV
G.W. Bridge's heartbreakers and lifetakers--Domino, Silver Sable and Contessa Valentina Allegra di Fontaine of S.H.I.E.L.D.-- come gunning for The Punisher. Kid Punisher goes on another major rampage. And Jigsaw's noose tightens around Frank's neck as he puts a 100 million dollar bounty on Frank's head. Every bounty hunter in the Marvel U is gonna come gunning for the Punisher and there's only one place for him to run...underground. By Matt Fraction (IMMORTAL IRON FIST, INVINCIBLE IRON MAN) and Rick Remender (Fear Agent, The End League), with art by Howard Chaykin (WOLVERINE, WAR IS HELL: THE E FIRST FLIGHT OF THE PHANTOM EAGLE).
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99

• Okay, this solicitation lists about 50 reasons why I like Matt Fraction so much.

WOLVERINE #66
Written by MARK MILLAR
Pencils & Wraparound Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
Variant Cover by MICHAEL TURNER
"OLD MAN LOGAN" Part 1 (of 8)
MARK MILLAR and STEVE MCNIVEN-who last teamed for the monumental CIVIL WAR-bring us the most important WOLVERINE story of the 21st Century. Nobody knows what happened on the night the heroes fell. All we know is that they disappeared and evil triumphed and the bad guys have been calling the shots ever since. What happened to Wolverine is the biggest mystery of all. For 50 years, no one has heard hide nor hair from him…and in his place stands an old man called Logan. A man concerned only about his family. A man pushed to the brink by the HULK GANG. A man forced to help an old friend-the blind archer, HAWKEYE-to drive three thousand miles to secure his family's safety. Get ready for the ride of your life, Logan.
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99

• Otherwise known as "What If "Dark Knight Returns" starred Wolverine instead of Batman. Not to be confused with "Spider-Man Reign" which was "What If "Dark Knight Returns" starred Spider-Man instead of Batman.

X-FORCE: AIN'T NO DOG
Written by CHARLIE HUSTON & JASON AARON
Penciled by JEFTE PALO & WERTHER DELL'EDERA
Cover by BRYAN HITCH
"Ain't No Dog": There will be blood. Gallons of it. Because Cyclops needs only one scalpel for a surgical strike mission and Logan's the ideal man for the job. Tonight, Wolverine flies solo-dressed in black and operating off the grid. And when the night is through, there will be mountains of corpses, and no one to answer to. What could be better? PLUS, this one-shot features a solo Warpath story, as he learns what it really means to go home again.
48 PGS./Parental Advisory …$3.99

• The new X-Force title has been around for, what, three months? And they already need a pseudo-fill-in special? That is problematic.

WOLVERINE: DANGEROUS GAME
Written by SIMON SPURRIER & RICK REMENDER
Art by BEN OLIVER & JEROME OPENA
Cover by BOO COOK
With bloodsports banned in the UK, a group of overfed Brit Aristos have relocated to the Louisiana forests. Their aim? To pit themselves (aided only by a vast pack of slavering hounds and their own copious wealth) against a truly worthy foe: a single, terrified fox. Sadly for them, there's more than one furry little critter in the woods tonight…Writer Simon Spurrier (GUTSVILLE, SILVER SURFER: IN THY NAME) and superstar artist Ben Oliver (ULTIMATE X-MEN, GHOST RIDER ANNUAL) present a brandy-swigging one-shot huntfest: 1-part ethical dilemma, 2-parts nationalistic clichŽ, 659 parts insane slice'n'dice-o-rama. Snikt! Also, includes a special back-up story written by Fear Agents' Rick Remender and Jerome Opena!
48 PGS./Parental Advisory …$3.99

• So, not only is this another variation of "The Most Dangerous Game", it's the second one Wolverine starred in( The last was Palmiotti & Gray's Claws from a year or two back.) Can we pick another story to ripof--err, I mean pay tribute to? May I suggest 10 Little Indians? It's British too!

WOLVERINE: ORIGINS #26
Written by DANIEL WAY
Penciled by STEPHEN SEGOVIA
Cover by GREG LAND
"SON OF X" Part 1 (of 2)
The origin of Daken, the son of Wolverine! Decades ago, during his time in Jasmine Falls, Wolverine fathered a child…a child whom he thought died with its mother. But Wolverine was mistaken-the child grew into a man. And that man just may be the deadliest being on the face of the Earth. How did that happen? Find out here!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99

• This is how I think the origin of Daken should start: "You see, Daken, when a feral man with razor sharp claws and a healing factor loves a Japanese woman who was a retroactive continuity implant..."

PUNISHER MAX: LITTLE BLACK BOOK
Written by VICTOR GISCHLER
Penciled by JEFTE PALO
Cover by DAVE JOHNSON
Celebrated crime novelist Victor Gischler (Gun Monkeys, Pistol Poets) delivers a blistering one-shot tale of Marvel's greatest vigilante! Vette's little black book is a treasure chest of dark secrets. Movie stars, politicians, gangsters -- they all pay to play. Tonight, she is making a house call…and the Punisher is riding shotgun. Because one of the names in that book is Carlos Ramirez, a powerful Miami drug lord who hides in an impenetrable fortress, and Vette is the Punisher's best ticket inside. Before the night is through, Vette will learn a thing or two about what really lurks in the hearts of men, about the difference between dogs and wolves.
32 PGS./Cardstock Cover/Explicit Content …$3.99

• Yet another "crime novelist" who is celebrated, yet, I have never heard of gets to write a Punisher one-shot. If it follows to the pre-existing schedule, he should be writing an ongoing featuring one of Marvel most popular, yet cult, characters before the year is out.

PUNISHER #58
Written by GARTH ENNIS
Penciled by GORAN PARLOV
Cover by TIM BRADSTREET
"VALLEY FORGE, VALLEY FORGE," PART 4
Garth Ennis concludes his seminal run on PUNISHER -- in style. An eight-man Special Forces Squad has been tasked to bring down the Punisher, by all means necessary -- honorable men who will be the ultimate test of Frank Castle's skills and his personal code. If anyone deserves Frank's vengeance, it's the men who gave the kill order. Men who'll do anything to destroy the proof of their war crimes. Men who underestimated their target.
32 PGS./Explicit Content …$2.99

• This is a sad day, one that I never thought would come. Man, whoever comes in next has got their work cut out for them.

POWERS #31
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Art & Cover by MICHAEL AVON OEMING
"Z"
BRAND NEW STORY ARC! NEW FORMAT! HOP ON THE POWERS TRAIN! Who were the Rat Pack of the Powers universe? And was Detective Christian Walker one of them? When the controversial crime fighter only known as Z meets his maker, the investigation reveals a secret chapter of Walker's past. Will Walker's true origin reveal itself to those closest to him? And can they handle it?! Plus: Deena Pilgrim faces her future.
40 PGS./Mature…$3.95
POWERS is TM & © 2008 Jinxworld Inc. All Rights Reserved

• Yeah, hop aboard the Powers train. A new train leaves the station once every six months.

It's that time again. I start with DC

TRINITY #1-4
Written by Kurt Busiek and Fabian Nicieza
Art by Mark Bagley & Art Thibert, Scott McDaniel & Andy Owens, Tom Derenick & Wayne Faucher and Mike Norton & Jerry Ordway
Covers by Carlos Pacheco

DC's new weekly series TRINITY explodes in an extra-sized debut issue featuring art by fan-favorite Mark Bagley (Ultimate Spider-Man) & Art Thibert with lead stories and dialogue by Kurt Busiek (SUPERMAN, ASTRO CITY)!
The lead feature explores the unusual bond - and importance - of DC's top three characters, Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman, as a mysterious dream links them together and may prophesy important changes in their trinity!
Plus, a co-feature in issue #1 explores the mysterious connection between several villains who are watching the Trinity -as well as the near future for these characters and their surrounding world! Co-features in issues #2-4 fill in back-story on some of the other important players in this major storyline. These stories are written by Busiek & Fabian Nicieza with art by Scott McDaniel & Andy Owens (NIGHTWING, GREEN ARROW), Tom Derenick & Wayne Faucher and Mike Norton & Jerry Ordway (ALL-NEW ATOM, INFINITE CRISIS).
Issue #1 on sale June 4; issue #2 on sale June 11; issue #3 on sale June 18; issue #4 on sale June 25 o Issue #1 40 pg, issues #2-4 32 pg, FC, All $2.99 US

• You know, I am going to have to say no to this. I love Busiek and Bagley, but I really can't afford another $12 a week. Sorry DC.

FINAL CRISIS #2
Written by Grant Morrison
Art and covers by J.G. Jones

Meet Japan's number one pop culture heroes, the Super Young Team and their languid leader, Most Excellent Superbat! Join legendary wrestler Sonny Sumo and super escape artist Mister Miracle as they team to face the offspring of the Anti-Life Equation! See Earth's superheroes mourn one of their oldest allies! Witness costumed criminals sinking to new depths of cowardice and depravity as Libra takes things too far! Uncover the doomsday secrets of the poisoned city of BlŸdhaven! Learn the shocking identity of the prime suspect in the murder of a god! And read on if you dare as Batman becomes the first of Earth's champions to face the Fallen of Apokolips. All this and a spectacular return from the dead...
Grant Morrison and J.G. Jones' multiverse-spanning epic continues with bombshell after bombshell in FINAL CRISIS #2 - "Ticket to BlŸdhaven"!
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers by J.G. Jones that will ship in approximately 50/50 ratio. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale June 25 o 2 of 7 o 40 pg, FC, $3.99 US

•  I love Grant Morrison. I do. But if the second issue of a major DC event miniseres, one that is supposed to shake up DC as we know it, starts off by introducing us to "The Super Young Team and their languid leader, Most Excellent Superbat", then I think that maybe, maybe, Grant is not the guy to write something like this. I mean, creating an Asian superteam with a funny name might have been okay for 52, but there are only 7 issues here. Fans want changes and want them fast. Indulge your quirkiness on your own time.

TITANS #3
Written by Judd Winick
Art and cover by Joe Benitez & Victor Llamas

Random hook-ups, internal fighting, envy…what's going on with Nightwing, Starfire, Flash, Beast Boy, Raven, Donna and Red Arrow? Can this team get their act together before their mysterious foes reveal themselves?
On sale June 11 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Random hook-ups!?! In a Judd Winick book!?! How could this be!!!!????!!!! Hey Judd, one of your weakest traits as a writer is having your characters bump uglies for no good reason. It is not realistic character development, because friends just hooking up doesn't happen all that often in the real world. At least not without some serious complications to their friendships, which you seldom bother to write. And who is hooking up with whom? I mean, who has already dated or isn't married?

BATMAN #678
Written by Grant Morrison
Art by Tony Daniel & Sandu Florea
Cover by Alex Ross
Variant cover by Daniel

Part 3 of "Batman R.I.P."! Batman's mysterious adversary has won. All is lost for the Dark Knight. Bruce Wayne is now deranged and dissociated, wandering homeless in the alleys of Gotham City. Is there a chance that Bruce can rebuild his Batman identity from scratch, or is this truly the end for one of the world's finest heroes?
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers. For every 25 copies of the Standard Edition (with a cover by Alex Ross), retailers may order one copy of the Variant Edition (with a cover by Tony Daniel). Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale June 25 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• I'll repeat, in the vain hopes it might actually do some good--do not kill Batman. Even if you bring him back later on during the year. That is lame for so many reasons. If you don't know why, DC, then you shouldn't be publishing comics. And Batman should be taken away from you.

SUPERMAN #677
Written by James Robinson
Art by Renato Guedes & José Wilson Magalh‡es
Cover by Alex Ross
Variant Cover by Renato Guedes

James Robinson (Starman, The Golden Age) arrives as the new ongoing writer of SUPERMAN as changes abound in the life of the Man of Steel! A frighteningly powerful new presence declares Metropolis his, a monster strikes the harbor of the City of Tomorrow, Green Lantern guest-stars for a unique game of fetch, and the Science Police arrive on the scene. And this is only issue one of the new run!
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers. For every 10 copies of the Standard Edition (with a cover by Alex Ross), retailers may order one copy of the Variant Edition (with a cover by Renato Guedes). Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale June 25 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Yes! James Robinson writing Superman (or any book for that matter) is a good thing!

ALL STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN, THE BOY WONDER #11
Written by Frank Miller
Art and cover by Jim Lee & Scott Williams

Frank Miller and Jim Lee gun the All Star engine into the red! The Dark Knight's hand exacts a heavy price from the trash of Gotham - and now, with the Boy Wonder by his side, fines will be doubled!
On sale June 25 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• This is the "Oh, why bother" school of solicitation writing. "Do we know anything about this issue?" "No." "What do we write in the solicitation?" "Does it matter? The people who love it are going to buy it anyway. The people who hate it will complain about it. It doesn't make a difference what we say."

ROBIN #175
Written by Chuck Dixon
Art by Chris Batista & Cam Smith
Cover by Freddie Williams II

The events of "Batman R.I.P." carve a path of destruction through Tim's life, threatening to rip apart the entire foundation of what made him choose to take on the role of Robin in the first place.
Tim's on the run and, with Batman's life at stake, he can't afford to make one misstep. Don't miss Part 1 of a shocking 2-part story that will irrevocably change Tim Drake's present as Robin…and his hard-won future as Batman.
On sale June 18 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Again, don't kill Batman DC. Seriously.

THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD #14
Written by Mark Waid
Art and cover by Scott Kolins

Nanda Parbat is under siege, and to keep his mystical realm from being overtaken by insurgents, Deadman must find a champion to protect it! Boston Brand elects Green Arrow! Can two heroes so similar in temperament but so different in ability pool their resources to survive - let alone triumph?
On sale June 18 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Okay, DC. I could forgive you not telling us Jerry Ordway has replaced George Perez on the title. I mean, comic companies used to inform us of that kind of stuff, but I'll let that slide. But are we really supposed to believe Jerry Ordway really needs a fill in issue? And is Scott Kolins thye best you could do?

CHECKMATE #27
Written by Bruce Jones
Art and cover by Manuel Garcia

Resurrected as the monstrous Chimera, PFC Adam Sharp is sent on a deadly mission to the loneliest corner of the world even as his bereaved fiancée vows to find him…and just as Whiteside's analysts belatedly realize the full extent of his new powers!
On sale June 18 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Is it just me, or does it seem that Jones is going in a completely opposite direction from Rucka, and one that doesn't seem that all that appealing?

MANHUNTER #31
Written by Marc Andreyko
Art by Michael Gaydos
Cover by Liam Sharp

The fan-favorite series returns! New series artist Michael Gaydos (New Avengers, Alias, Nightmare Factory) and cover artist Liam Sharp (COUNTDOWN PRESENTS: LORD HAVOK AND THE EXTREMISTS) deliver a stunning new look for the continuing adventures of the DCU's most human hero!
Los Angeles is Manhunter's town - so when Kate Spencer learns of the disappearance of hundreds of women along the Mexican border, she's on the case both as law-breaking D.A. and costumed vigilante.
Meanwhile, Kate's bloodline tie to the JSA returns to haunt her - and it looks like her sidekick's most notorious supervillain ex-boss is doing the same to him.
On sale June 4 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Yay! Manhunter is back!

JSA CLASSIFIED #39
Written by Mike W. Barr
Art by Shawn Martinbrough
Cover by Doug Mahnke

Concluding the 2-part "Body and Soul"! Wildcat's fighting abilities have been stolen from him and will be sold on the black market to the highest bidder. In order to get back into the ring, Wildcat will have to rely on a little help from his friends - the Justice Society of America!
On sale June 25 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US o Final Issue

• Sure, DC. This is the final issue. That's what you said two issues ago.

THE SPIRIT #18
Written by Sergio Aragones & Mark Evanier
Art by Paul Smith & Walden Wong
Cover by Joe Kubert

The Spirit must escort a shipment of mummies from Egypt to Central City . . . and then his troubles begin!
On sale June 18 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Not that I'm complaining, because I love Paul Smith, but isn't it a bit early for Mike Ploog to be needing a fill-in? I mean, how much time does doing this series take up? If he can't do five issues in a row, then give it to someone else. Give it to Paul Smith!

CHUCK #1
Written by Peter Johnson & Zev Barow
Art by Jeremy Haun & Phil Noto
Cover by Phil Noto
The hit NBC television series comes to comics as Chuck Bartowski and his friends are about to take the world by storm-literally! From series co-executive producer Peter Johnson (Supernatural: Rising Son) and series writer Zev Borow joined with artists Jeremy Haun (The Leading Man) and Phil Noto (Jonah Hex) comes an adventure too big for television!
In this globe-trotting, action-packed adventure, Chuck will see many exotic locales, dodge numerous bullets, and be tortured by the world's greatest...tickler?
On sale June 11 o 1 of 6 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Wow. This is unexpected. I love Chuck! I just might have to pick this one up!

THE NEW YORK FOUR
Written by Brian Wood
Art and cover by Ryan Kelly

A new Minx graphic novel from acclaimed writer Brian Wood (DEMO, DMZ)!
Just starting her freshman year at NYU, Riley is about to find out what an adventure - and a mystery - living in New York City can be.
The ultimate insider's guide to NYC is seen through the eyes of Brooklyn-born Riley. Raised by stuffy, literati parents, Riley's a shy, straight-A student who convinces three other NYU brainiacs to join a research group for fast cash. What Riley doesn't bank on is accidentally falling in love with arty older sister's boyfriend.
Advance-solicited; on sale July 23 o 176 pg, B&W, $9.99 US

• Brian Wood, doing a MINX book? Intriguing.

MADAME XANADU #1
Written by Matt Wagner
Art and cover by Amy Reeder Hadley
Variant cover by Wagner
Legendary creator Matt Wagner (MAGE, GRENDEL, SUPERMAN/BATMAN/WONDER WOMAN: TRINITY) and rising star artist Amy Reeder Hadley present Vertigo's newest ongoing fantasy epic. Centuries long and around the globe her tale winds before the ageless fortuneteller arrives in modern era New York. Her powers of sight can change the course of human events, but how does the seer see herself? Wagner and Hadley answer with painstakingly elegant story and breathtakingly innovative art that is sure to make Madame Xanadu a classic!
Issue #1 opens into a medieval kingdom beset by intrigue and foul sorcery. A fair sylph with magic of her own is thrown into the world of war and men - where she encounters a dark stranger who knows not only her past, but her most intimate future as well.
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers. For every 10 copies of the Standard Edition (with a cover by Hadley), retailers may order one copy of the Variant Edition (with a cover by Wagner). Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
FC / 32 pgs / Monthly / $2.99 US / On sale June 25 / MATURE READERS

• Man, I really want to pick this one up. I just don't know if I'll have the money.

THE EXTERMINATORS #30
Written by Simon Oliver
Art by Tony Moore & John Lucas
Cover by Philip Bond

Vertigo's most skin-crawling series crashes to an apocalyptic conclusion as the boys (and girls) of Bug Bee Gone fight the battle they always knew was coming: humanity's last stand against the chaos of nature. There's no guarantee that anyone will survive, but if Henry, Stretch, Nils and the rest can't make a last stand against the killer cockroaches, no one else will. Don't miss the ending of this cult-classic comic never to be duplicated.
On sale June 4 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US o MATURE READERS o Final issue

• Another Vertigo casualty. I love Vertigo books, but there are too many books out there to pick them all up. This means good books sometime go unread.

HELLBLAZER #245
Written by Jason Aaron
Art by Sean Murphy
Cover by Lee Bermejo

"Newcastle Calling" Part 1 of 2, written by Jason Aaron (SCALPED, Ghost Rider) with art by Sean Murphy (Batman/Scarecrow: Year One). A group of na•ve documentary filmmakers try to find out what happened to Mucous Membrane - an up-and-coming punk outfit (led by John Constantine) that met a mysterious end.
On sale June 18 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US o MATURE READERS

• Jesse Aaron + John Constantine=Good. It just has to be good.

JLA TROPHY ROOM: BAT-SIGNAL PROP REPLICA

The JLA Trophy Room prop replica program continues for 2008 with the Bat-Signal! A must-have on any wall or ceiling for the ultimate Batman fan!

With the flick of a switch, this metal-encased device projects a light-up Bat-Signal an impressive 16 feet! Powered by a plug-in, UL adapter and two ultra-bright bulbs, the piece also includes a fan to keep it cool. With a swivel feature enabling the Bat-Signal to pan across the room, Batman is sure to come to the rescue no matter where he is when he's beckoned.

This prop replica measures approximately 12" tall x 2.25" wide x 9" deep and is packaged in a 4/C box. Also included are a 4/C Certificate of Authenticity, a "Guide to the Trophy Room" brochure written by best-selling author Brad Meltzer, and one replacement bulb.

• Wow. They don't even list a price. That can't be good.

VERTIGO TAROT DECK SET
20th Anniversary Edition

Art: Dave McKean
Text: Rachel Pollack
Introduction: Neil Gaiman

What does YOUR future hold? Find out with the re-release of one of the most-requested and sought-after VERTIGO products of all time: The VERTIGO TAROT DECK SET, in a special gold foil-stamped Sandman 20th Anniversary Edition!

With evocative card images and illustrations by award-winning artist Dave McKean, the 78 tarot cards in the set are designed to be utilized by any practitioner of tarot. The Major Arcana of the set features an array of Vertigo characters, including:

The Fool o John Constantine
The Magician o Tim Hunter
The High Priestess o Titania, Queen of Faerie
The Hierophan o Morpheus
The Wheel of Fortune oDestiny of the Endless
Death o Death of the Endless
The Devil o Lucifer
The World o Swamp Thing

This new anniversary edition features:

Seventy-eight cards with art by Dave McKean, a softcover 128-page book (with a four-color cover by McKean, black and white interior text by tarot expert Rachel Pollack, and an introduction by New York Times best-selling SANDMAN author Neil Gaiman), plus a black velvet-like drawstring bag to hold the tarot cards. The book cover, box front, spines and velvet-quality bag are gold foil-stamped with a special Sandman 20th Anniversary logo.

The set is manufactured to order.
Advance-solicited; on sale November 5, 2008 * Tarot Deck Set * $39.99

• This is a product that I really don't understand why it ever went out of production. It is such a cool idea, that there should always be a set availiable.

WONDER WOMAN 1:4 SCALE MUSEUM QUALITY STATUE
Sculpted by Andy Bergholtz

Standing atop battle-damaged Grecian ruins, this stunning 18" Wonder Woman mixed-media statue shows the Amazon Princess in all her fury. This 1:4 scale museum quality figure is composed of resin, metal, and an expertly crafted fabric outfit, including briefs with a star pattern, a faux-leather bodice, and a flowing cape. She is armed for battle with a shield, sword, eagle-shaped axe, and a lasso. The full piece measures approximately 16.5" high x 11" wide x 14" deep.

This exclusive, limited edition statue includes a 4/color Certificate of Authenticity and is packaged in a 4/color box.

Advance-solicited;
in stores November 5, 2008 * Statue * $295.00 US

• I like the fact that these are supposed to be "museum quality". Like this statue would be seen in the Louvre or the Met. "Ladies and gentlemen, to your left, the Mona Lisa. To Your right, Wonder Woman holding a big freakin' axe."

It all started with James Frey, who gained national infamy when his some of his claims in his memoir, "A Million Little Pieces" were shown to be untrue. You'd think that after that, authors and publishers would wise up and that sort of thing would never happen again. But in the last two weeks, now less than two other memoirs were exposed to be factually challenged. More so than even Frey's book.

Last week, it was revealed Misha Defonseca's book, "Misha: A Memoire of the Holocaust Years," in which she claims that, as a Jewish child, she lived with a pack of wolves in the woods during the Holocaust, was untrue. She didn't live with wolves, nor in the woods. She wasn't even Jewish. Her parents were killed, but not because they were Jews, but rather because they were resistance fighters.

You'd think that the publishers might have been a little suspicious about the fact she claimed to live in the woods, being protected by wolves. But I guess they didn't doubt her truthiness because she mentioned the Holocaust. I mean, who would be a scuzzy enough to lie about the Holocaust for personal gain.

If that wasn't bad enough. this week it was revealed that Margaret B. Jones lied in her memoir "Love and Consequences". In it, she claimed she, a white woman, was raised in poverty by a black foster mother and sold drugs for a gang in a tough Los Angeles neighborhood. Turns out she grew up in an affluent suburb with her biological parents. Never lived with a foster family, never lived in the Hood, never sold drugs for the Bloods.

Luckily, this trend in fake true stories is not going to change the way book publishers do business. Which is good because I have been shopping my memoir around. And unlike these others, my memoir is 100% true (wholly depending on your definition of the word "true". And "is". )

What's more, I have decided to print an excerpt from the first chapter here in my blog. I figure, what better way to get the bidding war started. The title, you impatiently ask?

RAISED BY POODLES, The Bill Gatevackes Story. A Memoir

Chapter one

Fleas are the bane of my existence.

Mom

Some might have called Sally a bitch. I called her mom.

She stood about 15 inches high at her highest point. She had intelligent eyes and grey fur which came to puffs at her ankles. She was the poodle, and she helped make me the man I am today.

How did I come to find myself in Sally's "pack". Well, I only heard this information second hand. So, I cannot verify the accuracy of this account.

My biological father is unknown to me. He could have been the lifeguard at the local pool. He could have been Englebert Humperdick. Or he could have been a member of the 1970 New York Football Giants. I just don't know. But I do know who my birth mom was.

My biological mother, I would later find out, was named Bambi Barbie, a teenage girl who found herself pregnant after sleeping with one of those 27 men. I like to think that she, freaked out by the thought of having a child at 17, gave me up to adoption and that is how I found myself in Sally's happy home. But the truth was far worse.

My mother was a Tabsca addict. You might be unfamiliar with "Tabsca", a hallucinogen with a cult popularity in the 1970s. It was a dangerous cocktail of "Tab" and "Fresca". Separately, they were refreshing carbonated beverages. Combined, they formed a highly powerful psychotropic drug 10 times as potent as LSD.  

One November, my birth mother went shopping for Thanksgiving after a six day Tabsca bender. She says the last thing she remembers is freebasing a dose of the "Tan Demon" in the car right before going into the supermarket. The next thing she remembers is arriving back at her apartment and seeing a 13 lb. turkey the car seat. She assumes that while in the store, she put switched me out with the poultry. She put my jumper on the bird and left the store with it, leaving me in the refrigerated bin with the other turkeys. Such is the horrific effects of Tabsca.

When I related this tale of abandonment, people expect me more upset than I am about the event. "She got you confused with a frozen turkey!" they ask. "Doesn't that piss you off?"

I guess I should be angrier. But I take a rather zen approach to it. This is what fate had in store for me. It was supposed to happen. This is the way my life was supposed to go.

That, and I'm glad my birth mother mistook me for a turkey while we were still in the supermarket and not when she was preparing Thanksgiving dinner.

###

That's all for now. Agents and publishers, contact me if you want more. As to what to expect from future chapters, here is a little taste:

"Sally named me Wrrrraowrrr, which translates into human as "Fluffy". I guess this is an ironic reference to my being completely devoid of fur. Kind of like calling a bald man "Curly", a tall man "Tiny" or a dumb man "President of the United States""

"I remember getting that first, simple, black leather collar. I knew then that I finally belonged."

"The family cat didn't like me. I still have the scars to prove it. But I gave as good as I got."

"I remember to this day exactly what I said when social services took me away from Sally. I said, "Aaaaooorrrrrroooo!!!""

"He said "Try these man, you'll taste the raaaaiiiinnnnbooow!" That was the day my Skittles addiction began."

I recently re-stumbled upon a publicity still from the Dawn of the Dead remake. Something about it bothered me then, and it still bothers me now:

Dawn-Of-The-Dead

See the belly on that Zombie? How pink and healthy it looks? That took me right out of the picture.

Now, granted, I understand that the make-up artist probably figured that the extra's shirt would rise up like that as he ran, but still. It takes a bit away from it.

Yes, I do know that this is the definition of nit-picking, and I am score major "Get a Life" points with this, but I thought I'd share.

Following quickly in the footsteps of Chris and my pal, Jeff, I have decided to take advantage of the time before my class to make up my own (quasi) funny valentines. If you click the links, you will see I basically did variations on a theme.

Ama_sm545 valentine copy

SKRULL VALENTINE

Countdown valentine

I was going to do an All-Star Batman one, but I'm afraid the amount of "Goddamn"'s I would use would scare the kiddies.

CNN.com has just posted a story about Peter and Mary Jane's marriage disolution, a topic even the comic fan blogosphere stopped talking about a week ago. Way to go, CNN! What's next? Coverage of the Lincoln/Douglas debates?